The Darker Side Of The Heart
by Coraline's3
Summary: What if Brenna McEllister hadn't run to James? What if she had obeyed? What if she had fulfilled her duty? These what if's are now reality as Brenna must face the terror which has become her life with Lord Beckett at her side.
1. The Other Path

Surprise! First I have to apologize for creating the story and then deleting it. I forgot to add a little introduction.

Warning: You must have read chapters 1-30 in "Changes Of The Heart" to fully understand this story. This is the other path that Brenna could have been forced to wander down.

With that said, I hope you all enjoy.

* * *

I fidgeted in my chair. I desperately wanted to do something. To save myself. But one glance at my mother's face and I was locked in. There were guards standing beside the doors that I could just barely make out behind the pillars. They were enclosing me. I couldn't leave. My heart began to twist into more miserable insanity as I felt all blood and blush leave my veins.

"Lady McEllister? Whatever is the matter?" A pretty little Countess questioned as she sipped on her wine. She seemed concerned but only half-heartedly.

"Nothing is the matter."

And so the night went on and I knew that James was gone. I did not know for sure as I could not very well leave the dinner party to see for myself, but a shiver was sent down my spine as the guards stepped down and evaporated into nothing signifying his departure. My eyes caught mother's who nodded towards a separate room. I excused myself and left for the room with my mother, all eyes upon us in curiosity and envy. Mother closed the doors as I made my way over to the window. Clutching my shaking hands together, I waited for mother to apologize knowing fully that there would never be one.

"I hope you understand that the choice you would have made would have caused this family shame and disappointment. If you had chosen that path, I would have disowned you from all inheritance and titles. Is that made clear?" Mother's stony voice could send the armies of America into retreat had she spoken to them like that.

My insides were to come ripping out at any moment if I didn't keep my mouth shut. "Yes, mother."

"You will marry Lord Beckett and provide him with an heir. That is your duty. If you fail, scandal shall befall you."

"Yes, mother."

"I am glad that you understand. Now, stand tall and put that angelic smile on your face and take your place by Beckett's side."

My back became a board and my smile was perfection as I made my way from the room onto the dance floor. I took Lord Beckett's hand and he latched his onto my waist as we began a rigorous dance.

* * *

James had successfully snuck onto the balcony. If her parents wouldn't allow her to leave, he would just have to take her himself. He hid behind a pillar as a few guards sauntered by, discussing of what Brenna was wearing and the good times Beckett was going to have with her the next night. His anger flared, but he was able to compose himself. He tapped quietly over to the window, scanning the room of laughter and cheers until her spotted her. His breath was sucked out from him as he caught her, her eyes bright and her smile impeccably seductive. She was dancing happily to an upbeat jig, her small waist and panniers twirling in decadence. He wished to have her like that always but then his eyes caught sight of her dancing partner. Her smiles, her cheered composure, her innocent glances were being thrust upon Lord Beckett.

James's smile faded in that moment. The woman that he loved was not thinking of him. She had not left to find him. She was his now. She loved Lord Beckett.

James let his hand fall down the pillar that he had been clutching onto and turned his back on Brenna McEllister leaving his heart and soul with her.

* * *

A/N: Tell me what you think cuz I know some of you have died of a heart attack. 


	2. Wedding Day

Thank you "Duchess Norrington, Commodore Cuddles, JazzTrumpet, faniwhiskers, Nelle07, Too.Nice.1108" for reviewing. I'm glad this has taken such a good start and hope to keep the suspense coming. It's been a long time since I've written Brenna and I must say she is happy to be on paper again. However, she is extremely pissed at me for doing this and is soon to have a change of heart for humanity. James has threatened to slice me in half and poor James Jr. took my pencil and erased himself.

Yes...I...talk to my characters. That's not odd...right?

* * *

I let my tears slip gently onto my sweet smelling sheets as the sun began to rise from the hills to greet me with its brilliance. I had only slept a few hours but fortunately mother would not be able to notice as the excitement of my wedding day was to burst through her icy demeanor. 

I dabbed them away just in time for the doors to be opened and an army of maids, hairdressers, seamstresses, and chambermaids to file in. Mother came in with an energetic kick in her step. "My darling daughter!" She crowed as she lifted me from my "slumber".

"We must make haste and get thee to St. Vincent's Church. You would not want to be late for your own wedding, would you?"

"I could be fashionably late."

"This is no time for jokes, Brenna." Mother scolded as I swung my feet over onto the icy floor to begin preparation for what should have been the happiest day of my life.

Ushering me behind the screen, I was stripped of all clothing, bathed, soaked in perfume, and bound into my new wedding corset that was tighter than before. My breasts felt like they were to pop out for a show at any moment and my stomach was now contained from ever growing hungry. Panniers, petticoats, more perfume, more petticoats and finally the wedding gown were fitted onto me with utter faultlessness. My shoes were to be last as my hair was the center of attention. It was towered up like usual but sparkling with diamonds and feathers. My face was patted down with rouge and powder and some rouge was placed on my lips. Mother, for the first time that I had ever heard her, squealed with delight. I could not bring my eyes to hers as she gathered me into a rare hug. "This has been my dream for years. You are finally fulfilling everything I had ever planned for you to become. Now…I must speak with you."

Mother grasped my shoulders and held me firm in place apparently afraid that I was to bolt from her. "Tonight is a very important night. You must allow Beckett to receive exactly what he wants. If he requests something of you…you must obey. He is going to take something from you tonight but you must not be afraid. It is all part of siring an heir."

"Mother…" I gasped, mortified at my mother's speech of what was to come. I didn't want to know what was going to happen to me. I didn't dare ask and I didn't dare think about it.

"You are so innocent, dear girl. Part of that is what allures Lord Beckett to you. So, in that case, I shall not convey the secrets of one's wedding night as I am sure Lord Beckett will be very grateful for it."

I was choking on my own spit but mother didn't seem to care. I was uprooted from my spot to glide down the long hallways of the depressing palace I had dwelled in all my life. "The King's daughter, Princess Elizabeth, is to be in attendance so you must remain in your accomplished state and never falter."

At the mention of Princess Elizabeth's name I cringed. James was probably going to marry her now…marry Elizabeth Swann and forget I ever existed. My heart cracked and would continue to crack until there was nothing left but dust. Mother and I loaded into the carriage without glancing at all of the giddy bridesmaids that were eyeing me with jealousy and greener than the rolling hills surrounding the palace. Mother kept fidgeting with my gowns as I glared out the window.

"I hate you mother."

I couldn't take back the words that had spewed from my mouth into her ears. And I didn't care.

"I beg your pardon?"

"I hate you."

She didn't doubt me as my eyes flashed with furry. A tear had gloriously streaked down my cheek. She gathered her hanky and dabbed at it. "I hated my mother too. But, in due time you will thank me. You are so fortunate to have everything handed to you. If you had married the Commodore, I fear you might have ended up in the brothels."

I stubbornly turned my chin up. "Even if I had to do that to earn money whilst still being married to the Commodore, I would have been happy."

"Happiness is a myth. Us women of the court shall know it nor shall we ever experience it."

"You would prefer it if I were unhappy?"

"I would prefer it if you were unhappy with the world at your feet. With society at your disposal, you can demand what you believe is happiness. Lord Beckett shall offer you anything you desire."

I could say no more as the carriage began to heave with a stop. We stepped from the carriage and brought into the bridal room where maids and seamstresses waited to touch me up though I was flawless. It wasn't long before the music sounded and my father came to retrieve me. I pleaded with my eyes for him to stop this, but he would not glance into my eyes. All hope was lost.

The door fluttered open and the music was ringing in my ears. At the end of the isle waited Lord Beckett being the symbol of my future, my fate, and my death. I made my way slowly with the eyes that I was accustomed to on my skin and raking over every move of my performance. They were always saddened to see that I executed everything with perfection. My heart was now in my throat. _I could turn and run._ _I could leave this life and sail off to find him._

Lord Beckett took hold of my hand and guided me toward the alter. The priest began to speak the words of holy matrimony as my hand began to shake. I could not control this movement that most likely was noted on and would most certainly be the gossip of the reception. Lord Beckett held my hand firm and smirked like the devil himself. His goal was being completed. He had me locked so firmly in his clutches that there was no escape now.

"And do you, Lady Brenna McEllister, daughter of Baron and Baroness McEllister, take Lord Beckett to be your lawfully wedded husband, to love and to hold, in sickness and in health until death do you part?"

The room's breath was sucked from all space. The slightest shuffle of feet could be heard and snorting from the horses outside was like canons firing off inside the church.

"I do."

The air came whooshing back and pretended like it had never left.

"You may now kiss the bride." The priest pronounced.

Beckett kissed my cheeks for propriety's sake and held out our intertwined hands as we made our way like King and Queen towards the carriage.

* * *

Once inside the carriage, Lord Beckett was eyeing me with the most insane look I had ever seen him give me. "Finally…" He sighed as he gathered my nape into his hand and leaned in for a kiss. Just as his lips came to mine I turned my head so that they met my cheek. 

"I forgot how innocent you are…always willing to put propriety before passion. It suites you well. But that will need to change once you are living at Gallow Palace. Though I am making arrangements for Kensington Manor to be transferred for you particular use, I do believe that it shall do you some good to be by my side. It's not every day that I have something so irrevocably tantalizing as you to watch while working. I shall enjoy this very much." He went on and on, dreaming about what was to come while I swallowed the gallons of tears that threatened to rain on us. "It will be so grand to finally wake up and see something other than an empty space beside me. We shall have breakfast in the sun room, tea in the gardens and I just cannot wait to see the look on my cousin's face when he sees you. You might find Baron Radcliff to be a bit of a rake but he is one of my colleagues so I must tolerate his existence. The man is quite infuriating…."

He was forced to stop his endless chatter for we had arrived at the reception. To him, it was one grand celebration of his success. For me, it was being sent to a nunnery.

The party dragged on in all its dull excess. We had made our aristocratic bows to Princess Elizabeth who blessed us well. She took in my perfect manners and approved but I caught her eye and she seemed upset for me. We turned back towards the party that was bursting into success. Lord Beckett had spent more than a fortune on the food, entertainments and my wedding gift.

All quieted as he came forward in the midst of the crowd and waved to a butler who held out a red satin pillow. Upon the pillow was a necklace that shined in pure brilliance of diamonds. I knew it was a family heirloom and somewhat of a secret until its formal presentation to its new mistress. Lord Beckett swiftly removed my smaller diamond necklace that I had adorned and handed it to my mother before clipping on my new charm of exuberance. As he clasped it on my neck, his hand fell down my back and sent my shivers. It went unnoticed however as everyone began to dance. We were swept up into a dance ourselves and our words were not heard by anyone but us.

"I have completely forgotten my manners, my dear. How are you this evening?"

"Very well, my lord."

"I believe it is quite permissible that you call me Cutler."

"I would not prefer it," we twirled and I did my small jig before continuing, "as propriety would not yet allow it."

"But now you are my wife. You may call me what you wish…as long as it is in admiring affection."

I remained silent.

We finished the dance and the evening with a bountiful toast from the entire _ton_. Mother and Father helped me into the carriage and for a brief moment I thought my Father was going to shed some sign of sentient activity.

"Remember all that we have taught you. Listen to Lord Beckett. Good luck to you." Father mumbled as mother took his arm like a dutiful wife.

The carriage galloped off with a start, pushing me back into the cushions of the carriage. Lord Beckett had left separately in his luxurious carriage while I rode by myself towards my new home. I was to arrive by nightfall and be prepared for my wedding night but I so desperately wanted to hang myself from a tree. I had never had thoughts of suicide before but now it was an actual possibility. It took four hours to arrive at my new home but it certainly was no home. It was a Palace that had been handed down for centuries to the heirs of the Beckett line. King George himself vacated the palace every few years with his wife and children as it was the most updated palace that existed besides his own. Lord Beckett should have just been made a Duke to govern over a more extensive piece of land and I feared that it would not take long for this to occur.

"My lady." A butler greeted me as the help who had lined up bowed to me as best as they could…which was better than mine. "Welcome to Gallow Palace. Lord Beckett has asked that you dress in evening attire for you shall be escorted into the gardens."

I nodded in a bow and made my way into the grand entrance where statues and marble floors greeted me. Gold trimmings were everywhere and paintings complimented the white walls. Everything was so bright and cheerful, much unlike my heart. Up the red velvet stairs I went and down countless hallways, corridors, salons, and libraries. I had never seen something so grand and large. I chuckled to myself. It must have made up for something else Lord Beckett hadn't acquired in his genes like height or-

"This way, my lady."

The Butler had two chamber maids open my French double doors and let me take in what I knew was to be mine the moment I saw it. Everything was flower printed, paintings of gardens and women from Greek myths, a vanity filled with jewels, powders, creams, rouges, feathers, and perfumes. I had a whole separate room for my trousseau and dresses I had never even seen before. Another room was for my own bath with a simple, deep, white porcelain tube with golden feet.

"I shall be waiting just outside to take you to Lord Beckett. He has asked that you do hurry." With that, the doors closed and I was brought behind yet another screen to undress. A silk, emerald green dress was puffed over my head, wiping away my tears as it came over my face. It was the color of _his_ eyes.

The maids removed the diamonds from my hair and replaced them with small emeralds. The white feather remained, however, as it signified my innocence for Lord Beckett.

The maids bowed and waved me forward towards where the Butler patiently waited. He led me down the corridors and hallways again but this time it was not towards the portal of my freedom but rather the entrance to my encasement. My heart stopped beating rapidly for only a mere moment as I caught sight of the gardens. Everything was lit in Chinese lanterns of crèmes and a path of red rose petals lined the entire walkway.

"Lord Beckett wishes you to follow the path." The butler disappeared in only seconds leaving me with two choices. Bolt for the forest and get lost to be eaten by God knows what creatures…or follow done the path towards my doom.

I hesitated but pushed myself onward down the path. My gown made swooshing sounds as I made my way down the path.

"I knew that color would make you look so…untainted." A voice came over my ears and sealing me in to my fate.

I let my head glance towards the right and there was Lord Beckett and a table dressed with china and waiting for me to eat on it. I had hardly eaten any of my meal at the reception and so I was naturally famished. But I didn't want to eat Beckett's food. I didn't want anything that Beckett gave me. But I allowed myself to be seated at least. He took his place opposite of me and poured us wine. I glued my eyes to my hands and waited.

"You did not touch your food at the reception, so I had Monsieur Pilot make you some of his special French cuisines."

Silence.

"We can skip the meal and head straight for bed if that's what you prefer."

He did not have to say anymore. I picked up my fork and knife and carved out a small piece of meat. The smells were to die for and the taste of it was something I had never had before. British meals were so dull but French foods were an exotic taste never to be had. And if I could stall what was to come, then I would.

Lord Beckett sat back and watched me with amusement. "Tomorrow I wish to take you to Kensington Palace so you can meet my family. They are all just…dying to meet you."

I cut out another piece. A tear threatened to drop but I refused to let it fall.

"You certainly are quiet this evening."

"I'm always quiet you just choose not to notice." My words were venom but he found them irresistible.

"So my little jewel is finally coming from her shell. Now that your mother isn't here there's no one to stop you from speaking your mind. Indulge me, my dear, on your thoughts."

I kept my mouth tightly sealed.

"You're ready for bed then?"

"My thoughts upon the matter of our marriage are my own personal burdens and I wouldn't want to disturb my lord with their impecunious imperfections as it is most unbecoming to a lady."

Beckett chuckled in pure pleasure. "Your mother has outdone herself in deed. Now, forget about your imperfect thoughts for I truly care to hear them."

"If you had truly wished to hear them then you would have asked this question months ago, my lord."

"Stop calling me that." There was distain for the word and though it brought him delight that I called him "lord" he would much rather have me use his first name. "I did try to ask you once but your mother was listening…as she always was. Now, I have you all to myself and there is nothing to stop you from conversing with me. Speak or we shall go upstairs. I, myself, am quite ready for the night's excursions but it appears you shall eat me out of house and hold before the night is in."

I placed my fork and knife in their proper position and allowed my eyes to travel into his. He smiled then. "Ah…there it is. That is one of the reasons I picked you."

"Picked me?" I couldn't contain myself now. We were actually going to hold a conversation. "Am I cattle?"

Another smile came to his face. "In this life of luxury and wealth, you are. But I don't view you as such. You are much like one of my pure bread horses. Properly groomed and trained, brushed and perfected. But all women can be such if taught to be. You, on the other hand, could win the race. And you have thus far. It was your eyes, however, that made me forget myself and the entire world because in them I saw the future. I saw you by my side and I saw the honor that shall, and has, come to my name."

He had called me a horse. It was much higher than cattle. But yet it was an animal. I was a beast for him to have and to look much grander than he was in actuality. "I believe it is now your turn."

"I don't know what more I wish to comment on, my lord. The fact that you called me a horse or the fact that I am to bring you fame and fortune? For, I have my manners and beauty, yet behind all of that is nothing but a blank canvas."

"You are also the perfect liar. There is a soul there and I will figure it out." His face moved into one of sheer excitement. "Enough idle chit chat. I believe it is time for bed."

"Tired already?" It was much more of a plea than a statement.

He held out his arm for me. "Oh no, my dear little Lady Beckett, the night has just begun."

* * *

A/N: Hope that you all don't wish to kill me by now and it shall be quite interesting how this is played out. 


	3. Adventures

Thanks to all my wonderful reviewers. I believe that most of you are liking this side so that's great. Um...yeah, I'm glad some of you don't think I'm crazy for talking to my characters. Though, Nelle07, you made me laugh! Thanks for all of the beautiful reviews.

* * *

I stood in front of the mirror. My chemise was see-through. I should not have even worn the chemise but it was my last barrier. It was my last wall of protection from being completely Lord Beckett's. I could have spent this night with James. I could have been his…

I began to cry softly as the maids dusted me in sweet smelling perfume.

"Many of women have cried like this just before their wedding nights. Countess of Waxford, Duchess of Wales…now 'tis your turn. Cry it out dear. We all must go through this." A maid who I had not even noticed come in enveloped me in a hug. This was not permitted among status and my mother would have had both of us hung, but in this case it was suitable. My hair fell over my shoulders and a different maid pulled it back. They dabbed at my tears but left me alone to be at the mercy of the darkness and the darkness of my heart.

Lord Beckett entered then and for the first time he was without a wig and frivolous clothes. His dark brown hair was cut neatly on his head and his white nightgown was luckily thicker than mine. I took a step back as he came forward.

"Now is not the time to be shy. Come here."

"I would really rather not as I am in desperate need of sleep."

He sighed. "Excuses will not save you. If I have to force you into that bed I will."

My lower lip trembled. "Please…Cutler." I wanted soap and water after I had said it as it did not do either of us any good.

"As much as I adore the fact that you used my first name, it will not stop you from getting in that bed with me." His hand was now on my arm and dragging me over towards the bed. He thrust me under the covers allowing me to take them and hold them tight against my upper half. He was soon on the other side of the oddly relaxing bed and glaring at me. "If you deny me your virginity I will divorce you." I knew he didn't mean it but there was nothing I could do. I let my small fingers uncurl from their tight fists and laid there like a fish that was to be gutted.

"You have a right to be wary as this will hurt."

"What?" My eyes went wide. What was he going to do…cut me?

He smiled, mirroring the devil. "I shall have to thank your mother for not spoiling this for me."

He took my waist and forced me beneath him. There was nothing I could do. Without further hesitation I let my legs move around his waist and let the game begin.

* * *

I could not lift my weary head from the delicate comforts of my sheets and pillow. My hair was all over my face and my chemise was hiked up to my thighs. I was in no mood to talk or to even move. I was in pain mentally and physically. I never, ever, in my entire life, wanted to do that again. I was disgusted by what Lord Becket…and I…had done. 

"Good morrow, my little love!" Lord Beckett burst through the doors in his cheerful mood and set about having the maids open the curtains and reveal to me that it was day time. I had not even noticed he left the bed. If I had, I would have cried in thankfulness to be rid of him.

"Wake up…" He cooed into my ear.

"Get away from me." My reply was muffled into the mattress but he still heard it.

He remained where he was so as to laugh in my ear. "You're just angry because I made you gasp with pleasure."

My whole skin went red in a blush. "I hate you."

He hadn't heard that, unfortunately, as he had trampled over towards my room that contained all of my fine dresses. "Which would you prefer?" His voice came from deep within and I could just picture him covered in my dresses and panting at the sight of my corsets. That, at least, made me smile. "Mint green or teal?"

I refused to answer.

"Teal it is then."

The next thing I knew, I was being hauled up by Lord Beckett himself and forced to stand behind a screen. "Get dressed. I wish to be at Kensington Manor before the end of eternity."

I was locked back down into a teal gown, my hair piled up with feathers, and my skin draped in jewels. If he insisted on me dressing like this everyday I was surely going to lock him in the room with my dresses until _he _put one on and felt what it was like. I came out of my rooms into my very own private salon that I hadn't even known existed until that moment. He smiled in obvious lust. "They are bound to love you. My mother is a stickler for beauty to be apparent. You shall stun her."

"I could care less." I grumbled to him as I gathered my fan and drew it through my right hand.

His lips were suddenly pursed and his face in a serious scowl. "I would watch those fan signals. You wouldn't want me to believe that you hate me."

"And what if I did?" I was now learning I could test my waters and there really wasn't anything he could do about it.

I was wrong as I he thrust up onto the wall and held firmly in place. "Then I would make you entirely miserable by locking you up in Hatfield Manor with no one to speak to but me. You will live out your days in exile and bear me son upon son until you are worthless. I have invested far too much of my time and affection for you to start hating me now. Either you at least pretend that you love me or I will do my worst."

I couldn't breathe as he brought his lips to my neck. I let my hand cover my mouth from screaming for that was all one could do in such a situation.

"As for the moment, I shall ignore your remark. Let us take leave."

My hand was then in the crook of his elbow as the tears stung my eyes.

The ride in the carriage was worse. Scenes of my previous carriage rides came back to haunt me and I grew stiff when Beckett placed his hand on mine. I moved it from his to pretend I was fixing my hair before letting it remain clasped in my other hand. It took only an hour for him to doze off letting me have a brief moment of peace to myself. I stifled my hiccups from crying and constantly dabbed at those beautiful tears of remorse.

James probably hated me by now. He most likely knew every detail of my wedding. The fact that Beckett had me first must have killed him….because it killed me. I wanted my first night with a man to be James…only him.

I glanced over towards the slumbering Lord. He seemed innocent and approachable while in the land of his dreams but I knew he was more like a viper that was keeping me locked underneath his fangs. I contemplated for a fleeting moment on suffocating him but that would serve me far worse. I would be locked up and publicly bashed for doing such a thing and no one would rescue me.

He woke up and smiled sheepishly. "I'm going to have to get used to this." He mumbled as he sat up. "I'm not used to finding myself in such enjoyable company."

"I am hardly enjoyable." I muttered under my breath.

He chose to ignore me. "We are here."

I grazed my eyes over the long expanses of gardens and trees and a large looming castle up ahead. This was the first time I would meet his family. The first time I got to see what Lord Beckett was like in his own element.

He hoped from the halted carriage with all eyes turned toward the carriage. Beckett held out his pale, wealthy hand for me to grasp onto and with all the dignity and propriety mother had instilled upon me, I took my place by Beckett's side.

"Mother," we tapped over towards a woman who was ready to be buried in the ground with bags underneath her eyes, "meet my wife, Lady Brenna Beckett of Gallow."

I swept into a deep curtsy with my hand over my heart and the other still attached in Beckett's. The woman, who seemed to be much of a stickler for propriety, almost knocked me over with a smile that could embrace a villain. "Welcome, my dear girl, to Kensington Manor." She enveloped me in a hug that resembled that of my mother's. It was firm, proper, but filled with hope and the smallest drop of love. She took my hands in hers and eyed her son. "You did not do her justice, Cutler. I don't even think you deserve her."

"No, he does not." A male's voice growled on our left.

In came someone I hadn't expected. A man with a dark brown wig on and frivolously dressed in a sapphire blue coat and gold brocade with a wondrously lean figure came pounding down the steps. He scowled at Beckett before turning his attractive face towards mine. He bowed before taking my hand and kissing it. Lord Beckett's eyes squinted into hatred but he was able to keep his composure.

"Lady Beckett, it is such an honor to meet you at last. I have heard too much about you." The last remark was received with a jab in the ribs from his mother. I could not place my finger on it, but there seemed to be something amiss. Lord Beckett's mother was nothing like her son nor was his cousin. It was such a trifle to me, but I could not contemplate the difference any longer as I was formally introduced to his cousin.

"My dear, this is my insufferable cousin, Baron Radcliff."

"Yes, yes, enough with ablaze."

I smiled and bowed.

"I made her smile, Cutler. You couldn't do that if you tried."

I thought Lord Beckett was to explode as his mother grabbed my arm, dragging me off in front of the two rivals. "We are very pleased that you have married Cutler. He has needed someone for so long."

I said nothing.

"I have not heard you speak. Are you mute?" The kindest mother I had ever met clutched my hand.

"I beg your pardon, my lady. I am currently dealing with the dilemma of being overwhelmed. I did not expect-"

"That I would be so kind?" Her eyebrows rose and I hung my head in shame. "I would have suspected it. Cutler takes after his father. Cruel, straight to the point, and arrogant. But there are many qualities that Cutler received from me. A love for romance, the arts, devotion and the truth of one's true love."

I would have liked the woman more if she had hated her son. But like all mothers, their sons could not be disliked.

She went on. "You have a very melodic voice. Do you sing?"

"Yes, my lady, I do."

"Do call me Josephine. And I shall call you Bren, if you don't mind. That's an odd name for an English rose…Brenna."

"One of my distant ancestors descended from the Scottish Isles and his wife was known for her extravagance. My mother decided that it would suite me…being as I was her hope for extravagance."

Josephine was now perplexed. "You are not entirely English, then?"

"Have no doubt, I am as English as one could be honored to be… but there is only a small amount of me that is Scottish and I do not wish to brag about it."

"I understand. It shall be our secret." We were now walking in the gardens which were heavenly. Lord Beckett's family certainly was more extravagant than any other proper British family. Mother must have known this was coming. All of this wealth and fortune was to be mine. They were to belong to a pretty little heiress and her children to laugh and play in. Unfortunately, there would be no laughter coming from me as I planned to deny Beckett any children. I was going to figure out some way to never sleep with him again. It was my mission.

"Duke of Rochester!" Josephine called out.

A very stiff man looked up from the woman he was talking to and pranced over like some elegant horse. "Lady Beckett! We have missed you. I believe it has been your turn for over half an hour."

"I am sorry, my dear Duke, but I was greeting my daughter-in-law. George, please meet Lady Brenna Beckett as she now holds the title."

I dropped into another bow and he picked me over like a piece of fresh meat.

He took my hand and kissed it. "They don't do you justice."

"Thank you, your grace."

"May I?" He was still staring at me, but the question was for Josephine.

"Please, introduce her." She smirked.

We ventured over towards the hoards of young men and women, all of the Beckett line, as I was introduced to each and every one of them. Some were scrutinizing me and some were bombarding me with delicate little questions as to who does my hair, where I ordered my trousseau, details of the wedding, and of course the ultimate question "How do you like your new husband?"

"Very much indeed." I was going to hell as of that statement for it was the tallest fib I would ever tell.

Baron Radcliff was now at my side. "She lies."

"What?" I gasped as I looked at him, my eyes about to pop out of my head.

He smirked with knowing eyes, but surprised me. "She loves him."

The blood rushed back into my face. I could have sworn he was going to tell everyone my secrets, though I had no idea how he would know of them. They all laughed and clapped before turning back to their games and meals. Lord Beckett was speaking with a few of his close relatives while simultaneously glancing at me. Baron Radcliff and I were alone.

"You should thank me." He whispered.

"I beg your pardon?"

"'Very much indeed' passes for 'He is tolerable.' By making you blush and saying that you love him, I made you an instant success. They would have hated you if you denied your love for Cutler. He is the star of the family and because of his success they are well respected in the community. Any distant relation to Cutler is like being a descendant of Jesus."

"Well, then I believe I owe you thanks."

"Any time. Besides, I know the truth and that is all that counts."

"The…the truth?"

"You hate him."

I silently choked on the glass of sherry I had taken from the butler.

"Don't deny it. I would hate him too. Always watching you, following you, imposing himself upon you. I can't imagine the horrors you must have faced last night."

"Please, sir, for propriety's sake."

"Cutler wasn't lying when he said you were perfect. Propriety seems to be your best friend." He was quiet for a moment. "I have something for you."

Lord Beckett had come to my side then and I believed that what Baron Radcliff wanted to give me was something of a secret. He turned to me, took a firm hold of my hand, and pressed a hard kiss on the top of it. It had appeared to Lord Beckett that the Baron was only being kind, but inside my small palm was a note. As I flicked open my fan, I was able to sneak it into my corset without detection. I smiled at Beckett and grasped his arm.

I could only smile as I knew who had written the letter. It was from James.


	4. Letters and Talent

Thanks all my lovely reviewers! I am going to extremely suggest a few songs to listen to as I don't have the lyrics cuz I can't find them. She is not very mainstream but she is one of my alltime fave singers EVER. So check her out. "Perfectly Alright", "Season (Cover song for Sean Kagalis)", and "The End". Her name is Allison Weiss and you can check her out on youtube. For those of us indie lovers u r bound to adore her.

Enjoy.

* * *

After dinner with the heirs of the Beckett line, all of us women left to Josephine's private parlor while the men left to smoke their cigars and speak of business. This was my chance. I pardoned myself from the prying eyes of my aristocratic relatives towards the privy. Once inside, I took the note from my cleavage and tore it open. My heart was one heavy note of pounding in my chest. As I struggled to inhale air, I read what my lost hope had to say. 

_My dearest Brenna,_

_I must start by saying I understand your choice. Lord Beckett shall give you everything you have ever wanted…the things that I never could. He will be attentive to your every need and fulfill your desires of a pampered life. You were never mine to take. Somehow, I knew you would be his. _

_It pains me greatly to see you smile in his presence but if he brings you happiness, then I am comforted. I will have left for Port Royal by the time you have gotten this, but I shall be with you in heart and spirit for you have stolen them from me to never retrieve again. _

_I know that I will never see you again. But if that day does come that we do, I'll smile and remember all of the wonderful memories of love and life you have given me. All I ask is that you smile back and not think of me as indifferent…but that you remember how much you loved me. _

_Always yours, _

_Commodore James Norrington_

I could not breathe as the tears poured down over the letter like rain. I hiccupped and clutched my mouth to keep from screaming out. I slid down the wall and clutched my knees in such agony, such pain. I loved him more than anything and yet he was gone.

I hated this life! I hated everyone and everything that existed. I would give anything…my title, my wealth, my inheritance…if I could just have one more moment with him and tell him I loved him. To kiss his sweet lips and peer into his green eyes.

A knock came to the door. "Lady Beckett?"

It was Sara, one of Beckett's Aunts, come to check on me.

"One moment!" I was able to manage in a half dignified voice. I brushed at my cheeks and fortunately for me, my eyes were clear of any pain. This was a first for my eyes usually bore my depression. I stuffed the letter back down my corset and opened the door.

"We've been waiting for you. We wish for you to sing to us. The men have gathered and they wish to hear it as well." She looked around as if someone was watching us. "No one in our family can sing and so…it is a joy to us when someone with talent performs!" She took hold of my hand and dragged me towards the parlor. The room was packed and too warm for comfort but I was given no choice. Beckett looked on at me like I was his soul's jewel while all the men went green in envy.

I took a seat at the grand piano and began to play a bit of Alla Turca for them. They began to clap and cheer for me but this brought no smile as I pounded away on the keys. I then moved into a solemn song and let my voice ring out clear above their heads. Once finished, I was greeted with a ruckus of cheers and rampage of kisses on the cheeks. I was a success in this family and I should have been looking at them with joy.

"If I had a wife like that I wouldn't let her out into society!"

"I would keep her locked into my bedroom to entertain me with such sweet melodies."

"I'm astounded, Cutler. You let us meet her. I would have thought you would keep her all for yourself."

Beckett turned his eyes to mine which sent the worst of chills down my mind. That was what he intended to do. I would never be out of his sight. No moment of peace would be mine. I would struggle to keep my undying love a secret…to keep my pain from showing its tormented face. "I wouldn't dare keep her from such a prying family. If I did, I would soon see all of you climbing my walls and peeking into our windows."

The family laughed but Beckett's words were the truth.

"I think I shall retire." He chuckled to himself and let his eyes leave mine.

I was determined to not give him the pleasure of taking advantage of me that night. I was going to stay up as late as I wished. "Well, I on the other hand, wish to play some more."

The family erupted once again in cries of excitement. All gathered around the piano and I played for hours, singing, talking, pounding away at the keys. One by one they yawned and I softened my harmonies until they were lullabies, until it put them all into a deep sleep. By the time they all fell over into their dreams, it was four in the morning. I smiled. My plan was a success.

I was alone.

The house was silent.

I sighed and fell into a slump. I was exhausted but there was no way I was going to sleep.

"Bravo." A male's voice came from the doorway.

My heart sank as I heard it, but upon looking up I was oddly relieved. It was Baron Radcliff.

"I honestly must give you applause for that one, but I'm afraid I shall wake the entire house." He took a seat in a vacant chair opposite the piano and stared at me. "I take it you are avoiding sleeping with your husband."

"Apparently." I whispered softly.

"You read the letter."

"Yes."

The ticking of the grandfather clock came into play in the silence of our conversation.

"How do you know James?"

"I know his brother, George Norrington. He wrote the letter and gave it to his brother who…brought it to me." He sighed. "He has asked that you do not reply to it."

"But I must!" It was more of a plea than a statement. Tears were forming again but I kept them from falling.

"He does not wish it. He was rather stern about it. You broke his heart…"

"How would you know? You've never met him! You do not know him!"

"I was with him the night before he left. The look on his face was," he looked away from my face before his lips formed a tight line.

My hands found the keys and I began to play slowly. "It was not my choice. I could not…leave. You have no idea…how much," I hiccupped, "I love him."

I had not seen him move, but there he was in only a second taking me into an embrace. It was an embrace meant only for comfort. Not one of lust. Not one of romantic relations. But one of pure apology and understanding.

"I have to tell him. I have to write back. Please…" I begged him knowing the only possible answer that would come from him.

He shook his head. "I can not let you do that. It's better for both of you if you just forget. He wants you to live in comfort with Cutler. He will move on and find some woman who can fill some of that void he has for you. As of the moment, take this marriage and make it what it was to be. If you pretend to love Cutler, you will start to."

He handed me a handkerchief as I whipped my nose and cheeks. "You are wrong, Baron."

"Oliver."

"You are wrong, Oliver. I will never love anyone but him. I will lock my heart away and keep it safe for him. Because one day I will see him again and when I do…I'll give it to him."

"That is entirely your choice. But do think of my cousin's feelings for you. He may be pompous, arrogant, infuriating, and completely disagreeable, but he loves you in his own way."

I nodded, but that would never be enough. I bade him goodnight to catch some rest not realizing I had no idea where my room was.

"Oh, Lady Beckett…I believe Josephine forgot to mention to you where you would be sleeping. It's up the grand staircase, to the left and on the sixth right…right next to Cutler's bedroom."

My eyes went wide before I nodded. I was doomed.


	5. Pure Punishment

Thanks to all my reviewers I appreciate how much your loving this. At least I hope so. Enjoy.

* * *

I approached the darkness of my apartments with a frightened hesitance. I was frightened of what Lord Beckett would do to me because of what I had done. I had thought that my rooms would not be right next to his. I thought that they would have given me at least a little separation. But no.

I shut the door as quietly as possible and took a breath. My room was empty. I sighed in relief as I began to undress. I hide the letter in the bottom of one of my trunks after giving it a sweet kiss. Hopping into the sheets, I felt worry overwhelm me. He would not let me go for this but if I stayed in sight of the family he wouldn't try anything…

* * *

"My lady, Lord Beckett has requested a private audience with you this morning in the sun room." 

The maid bustled away keeping her eyes on the ground. There was no way out of this one. He was going to kill me.

I stepped from my apartments into the cool chill of the hallway that was like a graveyard. I made my way off to my own personal noose as if in shackles. My dress gently swayed as I entered the bright sun room. If I wasn't so preoccupied with my impeding death, I would have been swept away in its lush greens and sounds of happiness.

"Good morning, Lady Beckett." Beckett's voice cut into my ears.

I bowed to him and took a seat at a small table that held teas, jams, breads, crumpets, scones, and butter. He took a seat himself and sat back. The torture began. As I smeared butter over a scone and dabbed jam onto it, my skin was frying underneath his gaze. He had not blinked since he took his seat; he only played with his golden "B" ring. I held in my breath of relief when he took a sip of his tea. There were no knives near us so he wasn't going to stab me.

"How did you sleep?" His voice was packed with venom but had not been released yet.

"Very well, thank you."

"I'm glad you got some rest. I, on the other hand, could not sleep at all."

"Oh?" I could say nothing else.

"Yes. I was quite restless."

Silence.

"I do not ever want you to do that again, Brenna." The way he said my name iced my insides. It was his first and only warning. "Deny me again and I will send you to a nunnery."

I gulped down tea and kept myself from shaking.

"I hope you have enough energy for tonight you shall not get one ounce of sleep."

He pushed back his chair and left me alone.

My foot fidgeted repetitively underneath my gown. The tears were coming and there was no stopping them. I buried my face in my hands and began to sob to myself. No one was going to save me. No one was going to kidnap me and take me away. I was stuck with Beckett. I had admitted it to myself. The next step was going along with it. I could be naïve of James's love and act like it didn't exist.

My anger flared as a roaring flame often did in my heart. Why hadn't he come to save me? If he had truly loved me, he would have climbed onto the balcony and stolen me! He knew I wasn't happy and I would never be happy…not with Cutler.

It was at that moment that my heart hardened. No one truly loved me.

But this was no time for pity. I had to carry on.

_If he had truly loved me..._

But he didn't, obliviously. I must have been some ploy to make him look good.

"You look like you are going to kill someone." Oliver's harmonic voice came from the doorway.

"I wish I could."

He chuckled. "Cutler is waiting for you outside. He has everything ready for your departure."

"Very well." I stood and took a dip. "Thank you for your hospitality…and for the note."

"You haven't attempted to write him a letter?"

"There shall be no letter. No simple note of hope. No sonnet of love and compassion. It is over."

"That did not take long." His smirk was much like Cutler's.

"One must…carry on as she sees fit. I will not be thrown into a state of madness because he refuses to hear from me. I shall not…not even think of him."

He bent his head down and stifled a sigh. "My apologies."

"Speak no more of it. But I have a favor to ask of you."

"Yes?"

"Visit me. I am sure to be lonely."

"I shall…and I hope you won't mind but…well this family now thinks of you as its own and I will be constantly with company."

"I understand. They may come as well…"

I stepped forward to leave but he took hold of my arm much like Cutler had on my wedding night. The more time I spent with them, the more I realized how much they were all alike. Control ran in the family. "Do not hate him too much. He may be an irreproachable arse, but he will care for you."

"I do not need reassurances."

"I know…" But he didn't. He was going to try and persuade me into loving Beckett but that would never happen.

He kissed both of my cheeks and set me on my way. I bade goodbye to each family member who either kissed my cheeks over and over or took me into comforting hugs. Lord Beckett would have been, if he was not such a success in the family, the black sheep of his relatives. He had not shown that sort of kindness towards me…but then again Josephine said he was like his father. And his father was dead. So there was no way in knowing.

I hopped into the carriage with Cutler and we were once again on our way. All was silent except for the clapping of hooves from the horses.

"I have decided," Cutler intruded on my thoughtless stare, "that you shall accompany me into London and preside at court with me. Seeing as you are one of the King's favorites, you will fit in quite perfectly with the other ladies of beauty and elegance."

"Is this punishment?"

He deemed me a smirk. "No. Punishment is tonight. I see this as a chance for our status to become notorious."

"This means that…everything is working out just as you planned, is it not?"

"Yes, everything is going according to plan."

His eyes swept across me like a harsh breeze before falling on the scenery outside. I shut my eyes tightly from the pictures around me and let my mind tumble over into my dreams of James. I pictured what it would look like to be eating breakfast with him, his eyes holding mine, our smiles impenetrable. I wouldn't care if he left and went to the fort without me and coming home late. If I just got a few moments with him then…then I could live.

I had fallen asleep and the next thing I knew, I was sleeping on the covers to my bed. It was nightfall when I let my eyes come to life. I was still fully dressed except for the fact that my corset had been loosened for my comfort. It was dangerous to sleep with one fully on as it would constrict the breathing. It had to have been a maids doing because Cutler would never do such a thing.

I placed my hand beneath my tower of hair and sat up with sleep still in my eyes. I was starving.

"Good evening, my lady." My chambermaid entered then with a tray full of meats, fruits, and wine.

She helped me undress into a warm nightgown and olive green robe trimmed with gold fleur-de-lis. I snuggled down onto the warmth of my quilts while the fireplace crackled to life. I then indulged myself in the delicacy of the French cook's fine foods. The minutes ticked off the clock and into empty space. No Cutler.

I was beginning to think he had taken me off of punishment but I was wrong yet again as he entered through a side door. But I was washed with happiness when he was fully clothed. He ordered the maid to leave us before taking a seat on one of my settees. He watched me as I took another bite of various foods and drinking wine with pure relaxation though I was on edge in my mind. I didn't want him to come near me or I was going to throw up all of this delicate food on him.

"How did you sleep?" He finally asked, his voice sounding less on edge and more on comfort.

"Fine."

He sighed and leaned over onto the arm of the settee. He looked like a lion watching his next meal. "I must leave you here for a few days."

I let my finger swipe across a small cake and licked the frosting, oblivious of the sudden movement of Cutler. He was now sitting up straight and covering himself with one of my pillows. "I wouldn't do that if I were you."

"Why?" I furrowed my eyes at him.

"Because you're in close danger of me loosing control."

"Oh." I took the cake and began to eat it normally.

"Just…do not eat the cake. In fact, stop eating so I can concentrate on what I want to say."

I set aside my half finished meal and waited for him to pounce on me, but he remained where he was.

"I must visit a colleague of mine for a few days. He has fallen ill and wishes to go over a few hearings with me."

"Oh." I said again. It was becoming my answer for everything.

"I'm having Oliver come and visit with Aunt Sara while I am away. Your mother shall also be stopping by." He paused. "I shall miss you."

I nodded my head as I took a bite of a strawberry.

He was silent for a minute before kneeling beside the bed. He took my hand and caressed it. "I want to tell you something…"

My eyebrows furrowed.

"I want to tell you that…I love you."

His eyes were soft. His face was serene. This man of power and domination was kneeling beside me and professing his love. I began to cry. I began to sob, actually, at that moment. My body shook with more sadness than anyone could ever feel. Cutler took me in his arms and chuckled softly to himself. He had misinterpreted my reason for crying. He thought this was a sign of love. And it was…for someone else.

"I must confess…I love it when you cry." Another pause. "It shows your heart as an open wound that I can heal."

I pushed from him and rolled over onto my stomach. "No one can heal it."

I could hear his eyebrow rise. "I take it these tears aren't for me then? Are they for the loss of a life you wished to pursue?"

"I don't know what you're talking about…" I said through hiccups.

"I know what you long for, Brenna. You long for freedom. You long to be free of society. So do I…I wish to escape. We could do it together. You and I…I and you…us. I can take you anywhere. Name the place and I will take you."

I didn't say anything. I felt his weight over me suddenly and he was gently pulling my long hair behind my ear. He leaned down so his lips were pressed against my ear. "Tell me what you want." He waited. "Tell me that…that you want me…"

I slammed my eyelids shut from all the world as his words swarmed into my brain like an army. He rolled me over so that I was facing him as he lay somewhat over me. "I'll tell you what I want." He leaned down so our lips touched but not kissing me. "You." He pressed his lips down on me.

My insides were screaming. They were in hell, burning in fire. Not the fire that James made me feel…but the fires of pity and torment. He slid his hand over my waist and to my breast before continuing onward.


	6. Bliss Comes Before Hell

My mission had failed miserably. I had failed three times.

I had resisted but that only got me further in punishment.

There was just no stopping him. He was a tyrant. The worst part was that he never displeased me. It was every time. I shook my head to shed the memories of the night before.

I was up and dressed in one of my own choices for dress, a simple flower print gown with sun hat. I glided down the hallways and towards the end of the long hallway towards the grand staircase where Cutler was shrugging into his ruby red coat. He smirked knowingly and kissed my cheek, unaware of my reluctance. I walked with him outside into the brightness. He took my hand and kissed it before kissing my cheek again. "I shall return soon."

I nodded, my face displaying no emotion. I was to be alone for a few hours before Oliver and Aunt Sara arrived. I was going to be able to look through my trunks and find my personal treasure. The shoebox with all my love letters from James in them. Once the carriage had wrapped away down the bend, I bolted up the stairs and into the halls. I could care less if the maids became startled and would spread rumors of my glee to be free of my lord. All that mattered was remembering him.

It took me an hour to find the shoebox as I could not find where the maids had placed it. It was on a top shelf in the room full of my fine dresses. I tugged the box down, letting dresses and panniers fall on top of me. But I was a young child again, rummaging through dresses to find my one desire. I yanked open the top and there they all were. Waiting for me. Crying their dried souls out. I left to my vanity and dug into them.

_My Dearest Brenna,_

_I cannot stand these moments from you. They are years and eternities combined into one endless waste of time. It is only when I see you that time begins and ends with your departure…._

_My little pearl,_

_Though you are paid for him, you are mine secretly. I have never had secrets…but you are the grandest of them all…_

_Darling,_

_I cannot help but thinking of you. All that I do connects to you. My small blinks, the drumming of my fingers against my desk, the words on this parchment…all for you. _

My eyes were pouring now. I was careful to not get them on the letters, but they were an endless rain. I wondered if he still had my letters…if he read them and it tore his heart…if he smiled at my cursive handwriting that was far more sophisticated than his. I pictured him, in his uniform, strumming his fingers on his desk in the bored sunlight, watching the clock until he could go home and read them. It was a piece of me and so he would surely hold them dearly to his heart.

A knock came to the door and by the time I looked up, Oliver was stepping through the door. "I had a feeling you were doing something close to suicidal. I suggest putting those away as Aunt Sara is particularly fond of Cutler and wouldn't want to see his little wife crying over a different man. She will take these tears, however, as a sign of your affections for him." He helped me stuff the letters back into their place like he had known I had them before. I hid it just before Aunt Sara came in with gifts. They were music sheets, of course, as she would want me to play for her.

Oliver and I looked at one another. It was then that I realized that he was my friend. My confidant. My friend.

My hopes for a new life had faded and in came a new. I was just going to have to live with it. If this was what I was supposed to be then I would let it be. James would always hold that adoring place in my heart. But in a year or so, if I had a child by my side, I would be able to manage.

* * *

The next few days were absolute bliss from my troubles. Even the visit from my mother was enjoyable. She did not once reprimand me.

"I cannot think of you as a daughter. You are my equal now." She sipped on her fine tea and eyed me over. "You look absolutely radiant, my dear. I see Cutler has made you into a fine woman."

It thanked her with a smile.

I did not even picture choking her.

Oliver and I spent the afternoons beneath the shades of the tall oaks and willow trees. Aunt Sara, I learned, was easily entertained with picking flowers and running about in the sunlight. She reminded me of a small little child willing to find any source of entertainment.

"How are you feeling today?" Oliver asked on our last afternoon before Cutler was to arrive.

"Much better that you are here. I honestly don't know how to thank you enough."

"It is my pleasure. Anything you need, anything at all, you only have to say my name."

I smiled as he planted a kiss on my cheek. It was that of only friendship and yet it meant so much more. It was like fine rum that put my mind at ease.

Cutler came back to me far too soon and he was not in such a good mood as I had expected him to be. He nodded to me briefly and left off down the hallway astounding Oliver and me into silence. I did not dare venture down the hall as I knew he would most likely slam me up against the wall and blow his top.

I bade Oliver and Aunt Sara goodbye and felt the loneliness settle in. The house was silent for a few moments until I heard a crash of an expensive object come from down the hall the Cutler had stormed down. I rushed over towards the sound to find Cutler, his hand behind his back, staring out a window with a broken vase beside his feet where blood had trickled down onto the floor from his pale clenched fists.

"My Lord?"

"Have you a secret lover?"

"What?" I gasped. He could not have possibly known about James. He might have thought upon the matter…or brushed it aside as he now had me.

"As much as I enjoy seeing you smile, I find it discomforting that my cousin has stirred it from you. Tell me, have you been sleeping with him?"

My mouth dropped. "Are you daft?"

He turned around now, his face filled with murder. "If you have in any way been touched by him I swear I will kill him and I wouldn't hesitate to break your pretty little neck."

"I swear I have not! How could you question my virtue when I have remained true and unyielding to you?! I gave you my virginity!"

"Yes, but that does not mean that you are not virtuous now."

"Who would tell you such things?"

"My mother has heard from Aunt Sara that you two are awfully close and that he has even given you small kisses upon the cheeks."

Aunt Sara had betrayed me. I would now no longer tolerate her in my presence. She would never hear a song from me again. I cursed her over and over but that was not going to stop anything. "As a friend!"

"You do not deny it?"

"You can not expect me to not speak to anyone but you. I wish to have friends."

"I did not say you could not have friends. Just not male companions. But now I think you to be corrupted by my family. I wish to preserve your innocence."

"I had none in the first place!"

"Not about being a socialite but I wish to keep your mind of sex completely dedicated to me. I wish you to not think of anyone sharing your bed but me. No…no I know what I shall do." He stepped closer to me yet I held my ground. "I shall send you to Hatfield Manor."

"That's your punishment? Send me away?"

"I have not finished. Do you know where Hatfield Manor is?"

I shook my head.

"In the deepest country surrounded by hills, valleys, forests, lakes, various ponds, and greenery." He took another step forward. "There are no neighbors, no family, and no governesses. All that dwells there are flocks of geese, duck, cattle, chickens, and an assortment of farm animals. The only people that dwell there are my servants." Another step. "I alone know the shortest way in which to visit it. Therefore it would only take me two hours at the most to get there." He was now inches in front of me. "I am going to send you there. You are going to dwell with these servants in luxury and boredom. When I come to visit, you will give me all of your attentive caresses and there I shall keep you safe. I alone shall touch you. There will be no one but your pity and your dresses to comfort you. I do not even believe I have any rum within the Manor. So you will have to make do with sherry."

I could not move a muscle. He could not even think of such a thing. He would not dare move me to a remote countryside castle without even thinking of the amount of depression he shall force upon me.

"I am doing this for your own protection. I am keeping you safe."

I could not think.

"Do not worry, my dear. I will visit with gifts. And I promise to listen to your pleas."

He patted my cheek as if I were a small little criminal. His patting slowed and before I could turn from him, he slapped me across the cheek. The sting of it was resonating in my mind that traveled down into my toes. I began to gasp as large tears came from my eyes.

"Yes…cry your pretty little tears but they will not get you anywhere. Go tell the maids what you wish to take with you for you leave my presence this night. I will not have my little love be in the presence of danger any longer."

* * *

A/N: God I hate Beckett so much but I love him in a sick and very twisted way. Brenna's life sucks at the moment but...I assure you good things are to come... 


	7. Hell and The Lion

I'm sorry it has been so long. Thank you my reviewers you keep me going!

* * *

The carriage heaved as I took my last stares of the beautiful palace that I had dwelled in for only a week. I sat back against the cushion of my lonely jeweled box that would carry me into my personal hell. No one to talk to but Cutler. No one to stimulate the mind but Cutler. No one to dress for but Cutler. Nothing but the ghosts that lingered in my soul and Cutler.How had things come to this? Only married a week and he suspected me of committing adultery. 

How long would I stay there? A few weeks? Months? Years?

The wind whipped around the carriage as it heaved itself up an inclination of gravel. It was hours before we arrived and I was displeased greatly at what I saw. It was green, like most of England, and rustled with the winds of a thousand sighs that bit at my feet. There were no gardens, only thickets of trees and a crystal clear lake around the back. My heart sank as I walked into a dank hallway. The place was covered in dust and Cutler hadn't used it in years nor had his relatives. It was the neglected child of a wealthy family and I had come to dwell in it. I took off my cloak and glanced about in discomfort. It was dark. It was frightening. It was my worst nightmare.

"My lady." A maid came in with a single file of servants behind her. They had runny noses and were covered in dirt as they either worked in the fields or were cleaning up the Manor for my use. "We apologize for the current state of the Manor. We just received word of your arrival and hope to have everything ready for you in due time." The maid was obviously well educated and I could see that she ran the rest of the servants. "Your apartments, however, are ready for you."

I nodded and floated by them. It seemed as if they had never seen a lady of the elite before as they scurried from their frightened stares to make way for me. I drifted up the steps to survey my apartments. They were suitable and were nothing like the rest of the Manor. I decided that I would stay within my room and not come out. I would not allow myself to wander about and get lost. I would stay in one place.

"Is there anything you wish for at present, my lady?"

My eyes flashed in curiosity at the speech of such a maid. "Two glasses of sherry."

"Are you expecting company?" Her eyes narrowed into angered points. She must have been told by Cutler why I was visiting. She would be no friend to me. All curiosity vanished.

"No…forget the request. Instead I have another, leave me be." I snapped as I threw her my cloak.

My one chance for conversation had sprung wings and taken flight. I scowled out the window at the tips of the trees and cursed it all. Living here was not going to be easy.

* * *

It proved to be worse than I imagined. For two straight weeks I rarely came from the room. The first week was bliss as I did not have to wake for any protocols and I could read and sleep and dream of a life long lost. But then hell kicked in. Beckett's punishment was far worse than possible. 

He stayed away from me for more than those two weeks. It was two months. Two whole months of boredom. I had not spoken much but to thank the maids and to sing to myself when feeling lonely, which was always. I had to applaud him, however, of keeping himself away from me. I had thought that he would go mad without sex but he proved to be an adequate partner for hatred.

It wasn't until a particularly gloomy day that he arrived. I was wandering a hall as I was going to throw up my bland food if I had to stare at my wall once more. I found a large portrait and to my surprise it was Cutler's father. I was staring at him with immense intensity for I saw at once where Cutler received his lack of height and stern features. The man was daunting, pompous, and arrogant even in the face of a painter who only wished to portray him as something other than a bastard.

"My father was a brilliant man."

I screamed at the voice. It had been so long since I heard a man's voice that I was honestly ready to faint. Cutler laughed as he stepped forward to gather me into a kiss but I ran into the wall and guarded myself from him with an antique vase. His eyebrows rose in lust as he eyed my figure. "The lack of a corset and panniers proves to make you more irresistible."

"Stay away from me." My voice was coarse and only a mere whisper.

His smile hit the floor at once. "I thought you would have learned your lesson."

"Do you expect me to grovel at your feet? You are possibly the worst husband a woman could ever have!"

I then began to sob in my own pity but Cutler did not even comfort me, much to my relief. Instead, he hoisted me up in his arms and dragged me off towards my apartments where I hated him even more as he undressed me and satisfied himself in ecstasy.

"Now will you beg?" He asked as he retrieved his tunic and vest from the floor.

I threw myself into my sheets and shook in my own tears.

He was growing impatient. "Well? Is that a yes or a no?"

"Never." I bit out at him.

There was a rustling and then the slamming of a door. He was gone. And he was most likely to stay away for months.

* * *

Oliver pounced up the steps of Gallow Manor like an irritated lion ready for its prey. The stiff butlers opened the doors and were baffled to find Oliver storm past them in heated rage towards Lord Beckett's private office. He did not bother to knock as it was unnecessary in his state of anger. 

"Oh, there is my annoying, disowned cousin." Cutler growled as Oliver leaned over the desk to glare right in the face of his ill tempered relative.

"You are the most despicable, disgusting, arrogant, and daft man in this country."

"Is there anything you wish to tell me that I don't already know? Perhaps the fact that you slept with my wife?"

"Aunt Sara!" Oliver bellowed. It rattled throughout the halls and in came a shaky and discouraged woman with her shoulders shrugged. "Come…here!" Oliver barked as the woman came forward.

Cutler's eyebrow rose in worry. "Has something happened?"

"Tell him what you told me." It was an order not to be disobeyed.

She sniffled.

"Tell him!"

She jumped and brought her pointy nose up but left her eyes on the floor. "Your wife…is…innocent."

Beckett sat back in his chair. "Go on."

"She and Oliver never touched. I never saw them embrace. If they did I was not there to see-"

"Aunt Sara…" Oliver's voice came as a warning.

"I was jealous!" She gasped. Her shoulders shook, her tears poured as she dabbed them. "She has everything now and we get nothing! Just the pleasure of the family name."

"Aunt Sara…do you realize what you have done?"

Aunt Sara bent her head down.

"You made me believe that my precious wife has done something unfathomable. Do you know where she is now?"

"I pray not in a convent."

"Worse."

Oliver bit his tongue from making a crude comment on nuns as it was not the time. "Hatfield Manor."

Aunt Sara's eyes went into shock. "Cutler…she is sure to go batty!"

"She has been able to keep herself well entertained by staring at my father's portrait." Cutler grumbled. "Aunt Sara, because of your ludicrous predicaments, I am afraid I must send you away."

"To w-w-where?" Her voice cracked.

"Hatfield Manor."

"No." Her voice was now a ghost as she fell into Oliver's arms.

Oliver's lips perched. "I think she has learned her lesson. Hatfield Manor is no place for a lady."

Cutler mulled over his thoughts for a few moments and then nodded. "Quite right, cousin. I shall see to Brenna's return at once as it is obvious she has been nothing but virtuous."

Oliver looked relieved. He and Aunt Sara left the Manor and as soon as they were out of sight, Cutler rose in haste and called out to the butlers and maids.


	8. It's Best To Live A Lie

Thanks reviewers! Sorry it's taken a while but...Enjoy!

* * *

The sounds of a carriage awakened me from my restless slumber. I heard the banging of the door open and the rampage of steps. If it was a thief come to take me away, so be it. It would be better than this life of wallowing in one's self pity.

My door creaked open but I stayed still. There were soft footsteps to my side of the bed and a hand rubbed my arm. I opened my eyes to find Cutler watching me. I moved from his hand and shrugged from the covers. "Come for more fun?" I grumbled as I reached for my robe.

"I have come to take you home on a swift chariot where people await you." His whisper was that of a gentle wind.

My breath caught and stuck in my throat. I closed my eyes as tears of relief flooded through them. He need not apologize. If he was bringing me back into a world of speech and entertainments…that was enough.

"I must apologize. I must learn to trust you more than I do them. You would never hurt me."

I stood still. He was fooling himself. He was fooling himself into believing that I loved him. It was a false hope. But to me it was nothing of importance. He could pretend but he knew the truth.

All that mattered was getting out of my own personal hell. So, with that thought in mind, I spun around with my lips in a smile. I swaggered over to Cutler and stood in front of him in the chair that he sat. I swung my legs over his lap and sat there, staring at his shocked eyes. For the first time, I pressed my lips to his and let my arms cling to his neck. His grip took hold of my waist and he whispered my name with overwhelming excitement. He pushed me away and smiled at me. "If this is what I receive for giving you something as simple as society, then I shall have to award you more often."

I smirked as he stood to catch the maids. He did not see what was in my eyes. He could not see what I saw when I kissed him. I pretended he was James. That thought was more fatal to me than any other. I wanted him at that moment. I wanted James so badly. I was not angry. I was not hurt. I did not feel alone.

I only knew one thing. If James and I ever crossed our paths, our world would collide into one giant burst of love and lust. I would not be able to contain myself.

James would be mine. And I would be his. There was no avoiding it through this giant pond of sea water parted us. We were one.

* * *

One never realizes the meaning of home until they have been void of it. McEllister Palace was not much a home but more of a boarding school. It was at Gallow that I felt home. For the first time I could call a place my home. Though it was odd to me and not my version of cozy, it was a place that wanted me.

I flitted into the front foyer, a ball of sunshine to the maids, and scattered my footsteps up the stairs towards my apartments where all of my pretty things lay for me. I threw my bonnet onto the floor and fell back onto my covers, rolling around. I could care less if the maids were eyeing me like I was insane. A knock came to my door hours later for me to find Oliver standing there, watching me watching him. I had almost forgotten how handsome he was. I sat up from my fluffy bed to greet him properly.

"I see you are glad to be home."

"Now more than ever."

He smirked making my heart skip a beat. "Did Beckett say what had changed his mind? What brought you back?"

I shook my head, a few strands of my hair slipping from my loosely pinned head of curls.

"I told him he was being ridiculous and revealed to him the truth. It was Aunt Sara that told him as well. You should not hate her too much." His smirk was back again.

A slow, painful smile crossed my pink lips. "It feels wonderful to use my voice again."

"Have you not spoken?"

"Only a little."

His smile drifted again but this time towards his hands. He reached a hand into his coat pocket and retrieved a small box. "I have something for you."

My gaze found the small, silk, black box that was placed into my hands. I could not move my fingers to open it.

"Why?" Was all I could muster.

"Because you are the only one who cared enough to never loose faith in him."

My eyebrows furrowed. "What do you mean?"

"We were all hoping for him. His brother, his sister-in-law, Lady Anna…me. We were all hoping that he would come back for you. But he hasn't. And I know you still wait for him."

I lifted the cover and there, on its silken pillow, sat a diamond ring.

"It's the engagement ring her intended to give you. Along with its sister, the band of marriage and a never ending circle of devotion. He told me to burn it. I thought he would want it back when he came for you…" He didn't finish.

My throat could not produce a sound until minutes later. "Was he supposed to come back for me?"

"I cannot tell you that. If I told you the truth, you would slip into a state of unconsciousness and die. Sometimes, it's best to live a lie."

His words struck the largest chord in my mind, curiosity. The truth? Of what? Did he mean that my love for James was a lie? Or had something happened at Port Royal? Had he been killed?

"Is he dead?" My throat throbbed as if sick.

Oliver's eyes were consistent with mine. "No."

"How do you know such things?"

"Because…it is part of my career."

"To watch over me?"

"No…I…I work for the East India Trading Company. In fact, I am Lord Beckett's second in command along with Mr. Mercer, a man you wish not to meet. We are to soon leave for Port Royal to take over. And I have made it my business to watch over Mr. Norrington as part of my job."

"_Mr.?"_

"You don't want to know."

I shook my head fiercely, the tears coming down again. I hated them, those sick signs of emotion. "Tell me."

"It is too long of a story. It is too much for your heart."

"How would you know?! You are not the blood that is in my veins nor the thump of it as it struggles to carry on! You have no idea what I can handle. You have no idea how much I have dealt with!" I slapped his cheek immediately regretting it.

He glued his eyes to the floor as he continued to speak. "I'm doing this because I have your best intentions at heart. I'm protecting you."

"I do not need you to protect me. Cutler does a well enough job of that. Here." I handed him the rings. "Put them on my finger."

"But Cutler-"

"Do it."

He obeyed and removed my wedding band to replace it with James's. We both viewed the sparkling diamonds until our eyes hurt. They fit so well that it seemed my finger was destined to be with that precious gold. I knew that Cutler would never notice as he was rarely looking at my hands.

"Port Royal?"

"You are not coming."

"Why?"

"I have advised against it."

"Then I advise you to stay away from me."

"Don't do this."

"I thank you, kind sir, for your help. But now you must leave me."

With that, I bid Oliver farewell to the night and the darkness that surrounded my heart.


	9. Cutler's Accomplishment

Thank you reviewers! Keep em up! Love you all!

* * *

I called on endless women and they called on me. I was in with the circle. The women gossiped about this and that I was far more respected than I thought I would have been. As it was, I was the King's favorite but I had not been to court in such a long time he was sure to have forgotten me.

But that was not what threw me through my torment and hope of happiness.

I was pregnant.

I was certain as I was no longer to attain my normal sixteen inch waist. It had moved into an eighteen. I wept. I was to bear his children. I had failed utterly and miserably. I would never be able to keep myself children free for James.

What was worse, I did not know how to tell Cutler. Every time I wished to bring it up, I couldn't. It wasn't until we were sitting alone in his study, me pretending to read and him scribbling on parchment that I felt safe to bring it up.

I tucked my left hand beneath my book, still a bit weary that he might notice the difference in diamonds. "Cutler?"

"Hm?" He did not look up from his scribbling.

"I have to tell you something."

"Can it wait?" His words were tight as if I was annoying him.

I bit my bottom lip. "No."

He threw his quill down and settled his eyes on my face. "Go on."

"I'm pregnant."

The words were sure. They did not stumble from my mouth. In fact it seemed as if they were flowing forth from me with more assurance than I ever felt.

His face was still for a moment and then a slow, incandescent smile lifted his lips. He looked as if he had accomplished his ultimate goal. Which he had.

"How far along?"

"Three months…at least."

The night preceded; him with a continuous smirk on his face, me with a mask of no emotion.

I had wanted children. And maybe one day I would love this one. But I did not want Cutler's children. I wanted _his_.

The next few days I called upon Oliver and he gladly answered.

"I hated being away from you."

"You should have enjoyed it. You shouldn't like me at all. I am completely disagreeable when in depression."

"Depression is not good for the baby. Shall I cheer you up?"

With a smile I nodded. He then sat down, retrieving something I had not noticed before. It was a lute. He began to strum on it with expertise and sang to me in the most beautiful voice. My insides quivered at the way he played with ease. His strumming went to a soft hum and he perched his eyes on mine.

"Tell me what happened to James."

He shook his head.

"Please?"

"Not now. Not while you are pregnant."

"After?"

"After."

I laid my head back against the arm of my couch and fell asleep into the strumming of his lute. My mind whirled up as if from remnants of dust. I was dancing. My skirts flying about me. A hand took my waist. My eyes flicked up. Green ones watched me with a passion I had never felt. I fell into his arms. We fell down together. But we didn't hit the floor. We kept falling, sinking into air until air backs smacked into water.

It wasn't water. It was tea. There was a spoon by my side and it lifted James from me. He was calling to me, stretching his hand out to me. I hand his fingers, but he was lifted further. Into a mouth her went, swallowed up by a giant whose attention was focused on me.

"The sweet tea of innocence." It grumbled to me.

The cup lifted and the waves of the Earl Gray tea lifted me up into the mouth. I screamed, letting that piercing wind of terror sweep through me as I was gobbled up into darkness…

My screams still rang my ears as I threw myself up from the couch. Cutler and Oliver were both watching me, worry etched into their faces.

"Brenna?" Cutler's voice was the same rumble as the giant in my dreams. Cutler had eaten me. It was he who had drowned me in his tea and took James away from me.

"It was just a dream." I could barely hear myself.

"Can you remember it?"

I snapped. "No I cannot remember it!" Yet it was a lie. I would never forget it.

"Pregnancy can do strange things to women." Cutler chuckled to himself as he helped me from my resting position. It wasn't my pregnancy…it was him.

* * *

A/N: Can anyone guess what the dream meant? muahahah... 


	10. Peculiar Happiness

Thanks to "Duchess Norrington, Batman'ssidekick, JazzTrumpet, Commodore Cuddles, and Mrs.DeppQueenObsessorGodess" for reviewing! You all make my day! Love you!

Oh and you will just have to wait and see if u guessed right on the dream.

* * *

The dream had become a vision. I could not quite grasp it. It had something to with me drowning…but in what? 

I decided not to dwell on it. Instead, I let the months pass quickly, my stomach protruding through my gowns. Cutler surprised me more often in those months by smiling. He smiled at me when I walked down the halls, when I sat with him in the library, when I visited him in his study. I found I enjoyed his company while he worked writing on various parchments and smirking to himself as he read letters from his colleagues. He ordered a piano be placed near his desk so he could listen to me play. I allowed my fingers to scale up and down the keys, letting my heart and soul combine with the music. I pictured myself playing for James when he came home, the sun on my skin, the sound of his voice filling my ears with its deep rich velvet sound. Oliver joined me to speak of our hopes and dreams. He was more like me than I would have expected. We were the best of friends, but would suffer if we were ever married. We quarreled, verbally abused one another, and found pleasure in insulting each other's habits. It was all out of fun and no harm was done. But if we were to be with each other every day…even to sleep in the same bed... Shivers ran down my spine often at that thought. If that were to ever happen I don't believe I would be able to cope.

The days were more tolerable. The months less than long. Time was on fast forward. My life was simple. There was not much else I could have hoped for.

But all of this peculiar happiness put my mind on guard. I was waiting for something grand and terrible to happen. And I had the feeling that it was to happen within a few years.

The day arrived of my labor. I was playing the piano as I usually did for Cutler. That's when I felt it. The searing pain. The water trickle down my leg.

"Cutler?"

"Yes, dear?"

"It's time."

His head shot up. One quick peer at my face and he was out of his chair and picking me up in his arms. He had never done that and I was touched at the fact that he was worried. He was never fearful of anything. He never showed a sign of worry. His spawn was being born and that must have sent him into hysterics on the inside.

We flew up the steps, much to my surprise, and maids ran after us. It took only minutes for me to rip off my gown and pannier. I was in my bed and under the sheets in less time. All I needed was the midwife and doctor before my child would be born.

The pain was unbearable. Cutler was frantic outside, ordering people here and there and threatening to have someone arrested for not giving me prompt attention. He did not dare venture into the room as the sight of my pain was intolerable to him. If only he could have seen the inside of my heart…he would have given me gladly over to James.

James. I wanted him near me more than anything. I wouldn't have cared if it was scandalous to have him with me while I gave life. I would only want to hold his hands. To feel comfort from his words.

But no. That was not to be. I sat there, my face wrenched into pain until those last few moments when my frantic cries became worse. The midwife lifted my legs and through some manner of movements I could not want to think of, I was pushing full force. Air was not enough for me. I needed more of it. I felt this immense amount of pressure and then, the cry of my child filled the room. I lay back on the pillows and gasped for air.

"It's a boy!" The midwife cried.

The pain was over.

"Wait…what's this?" The midwife and doctor were looking at my privates suddenly.

"What?" I cried out.

"There's another!" Someone cried.

"_What?!_" I screamed.

And then I was pushing again. Pushing with all my might. I felt the pressure again, but this time it was less than before. Another child. I was giving birth to twins.

"A girl!" The midwife called out.

The room spun. I shut my eyes tightly feeling gutted like I had on my wedding night. Everything was in terrible pain.

I had no time to myself as the entire Beckett line came into see me all sweaty and red. They were cheering for the boy, Oliver patting Cutler's overwhelmed figure. He stared at the boy in his arms while the little girl came to me.

She was an absolute beauty. There was no doubt that she would be a goddess when she grew. Her small nose, luscious lips, eyes the color of England skies, cloudy and grey in all their glory. Her hair was black. It was my father's natural hair color. A disturbing black. It was that of the darkest nights in the forests that surrounded Hatfield.

She was small, smaller than her brother but healthier than any other babe.

Her brother was then placed in my arms and I held them there next to my heart as the maid whipped my forehead and the relatives gathered out in the hall to give me some privacy. Cutler came in, the largest grin I had ever seen on his face. He sauntered over to me, drunken with pride, and leaned beside me, his eyes on our children.

"What shall we name them?" His voice was soft.

It took me a moment. "He shall be Aiden and she shall be Delilah."

He chuckled. "Be prepared for torment, dear children, as you names are most peculiar."

I laughed. "They are not. They are beautiful names. They are names of greatness."

He stroked my hair and then kissed my cheek. "You have done everything I asked of you."

"As was to be expected."

He sighed. "My son shall have the best. And our daughter shall be taught the finest of manners."

I realized then that our son was not really ours at all. It was his. He would take him and favor him. Aiden would become the replica of him.

And Delilah would be at my mercy. I would allow her to play with whom she pleased. She would be able to have a childhood. She would be what I always wanted, freedom. And through her I shall have my freedom. She will be my own work of art.

* * *

A/N: Delilah's original name was going to be Monet...but seeing as he wasn't around until the 1840's...I couldn't really use that. Though that is one of my favorite names...I was bummed. But Delilah is cute too...well thanks for reading. update is soon to come. 


	11. Happiness Ends

Thanks reviewers! You rock my brainwaves! Hope you all enjoy this.

* * *

I had been incorrect in my predicaments.

When Cutler held his son, he screamed his bloody head off until he was in my arms. When he held Delilah, she screamed until she was nuzzled in the crook of my arm. Cutler could not understand it. He grew furious with both of them and though I warned him that they would want their mother until they were toddlers, he took extreme offense at their behavior.

This, however, brought me immense amounts of joy. I rarely noticed the fatigue, the sleepless nights, the fact that my waist was now eighteen inches instead of sixteen, the fact that they weren't James's children, the fact that my mother fully intended on visiting more often than not. The fact that they had a piece of me…that my blood was coursing in theirs was more than I had ever wanted. I loved them. For the first time after James I felt pure love.

This love of my children would continue to blossom. Cutler's departure was tolerable and my jealousy was minimal. Oliver's presence was even better. There we were, just the two of us relatives, under the large oaks watching my two little babies grow. In spring they began to crawl and much to my delight they crawled into Oliver's lap and began to dishevel his wig. Summer brought them to walking. The months flew into a blur. I was so full of happiness that I had forgotten the pain.

Aiden was a boy of more kindness than anyone I had ever known. He picked the wildflowers and gave them to me. His first word was that of my new name. Mummy. He hid in the trees until I would pretend I knew not where he had gone. He popped out from behind them and ambushed me with his sister.

Delilah was such a pleasure to me. She was timid, quiet, and often the source of laughter when I played with her hair and rolled around in the grass with her. My children were all to me. They meant life. They meant love. They were the epitome of my undying happiness that I was never able to have.

But it was upon their third birthday that I felt something other than sheer happiness. At dinner, while I chided Aiden for not using his manners and warned Lila that if she took one more bite of that chocolate cake that I would confine her to a day of piano lessons while simultaneously giving Oliver my most serious look of discontent after he encouraged them, a letter arrived.

I often received letters from Cutler, but they were filled with where he was and what he had been doing and how much he yearned for me. He had not gone directly to Port Royal the day he left. He had traveled to France before leaving for India. Then, he spent most of his time securing colonies along the Caribbean until he docked in Port Royal months prior to the twin's birthday. I tore the fine parchment and laid my eyes on it.

_My dear Brenna, _

_I have news that I am sure you will be glad to hear. Port Royal has grown in so much wealth that it is now safe for you to make your journey across the Atlantic with the twins to come live with me in the exotic world that is the Caribbean. I have everything prepared for you to come. You shall leave in a week from receiving this letter and we shall all be a family once again. Tell the children that I think of them often and have precious gifts waiting for them when they arrive._

_Your humble adoration, _

_Cutler_

My eyes shot up to Oliver's and at once he understood. The pain in his eyes brought all of my previous emotions back into play. I had been ignorant of them. They had never left but rather continued to loom over my head as an oppressing darkness.

"Oliver…" I whispered. He pushed the food around on his plate. I opened my mouth to speak but could find no words. I had to get the children quickly from me before I broke out in hysterics. "Fanny!" I then yelled to the nanny. She came bustling in with her sweet British face and took the children. Oliver stood then, about to leave until I clutched onto his arm. I held on as he attempted to shrug me off.

"It couldn't last forever!" My voice was frantic. "Our happiness had to lead to an end!"

"No!" He yelled as he pinned me in my chair and leaned over so as to tower over me. "Do you know what I have wanted since Cutler left? I wanted him to die. I wanted him to die in terrible pain so that he could feel what you have felt everyday. I wanted to take you to James myself and have you marry him before it was too late."

"It's not too late!" My throat cracked. "There is still time!"

"To become his mistress? Cutler will not stand for it. You must promise me to not sleep with him."

I could not bring my eyes to his. His hands were clasped to my face and he was forcing my eyes into his. "You were planning this from the beginning…were you not?" Silence. "You're going to do whatever it takes to be near to him…to show him you love him."

"I have to…"

"Why?"

"Because I have children!" I screamed. "He's going to look at me and think me a traitor!"

An evil chuckle was produced from his throat. "He thought that the moment he saw you smiling with Cutler."

"I was never smiling!"

"Did you know he snuck up onto the balcony to rescue you? He was so close to rushing and throwing you over his back. But there you were…dancing with him and smiling. That smile crushed him. It killed him."

My heart was a rapid burst of energy. "He should have known it was false!"

"How was he supposed to know that? You could have left of your own free will!"

"No I could not!"

"Why not? The doors were wide open!"

"Because there were guards, Oliver! Ask my mother and she will tell you! _There were guards keeping me in and him out!_"

The room grew eerily still.

"Your parents hired guards?"

"Yes…" My voice was barely audible. "Whose side are you on, Oliver? Mine…or his?"

"What are you talking about?"

I stared at him as if he was insane. "You give me this after believing he broke my heart and yet you stand here and defend him!"

"What, so this is his entire fault?"

"It's both!"

"Then I should not have to pick sides."

"But you made it that way."

His expression was blank for the briefest moment. And then, he took me into his arms and held me closely. He rocked me as I wept on his shoulder, feeling the all too normal pain seep back into my pores.

"Then you must go." His voice was back to its harmonic self. "Tell him the truth to stop the events that currently are taking place at Port Royal."

"What events?"

"You'll find out when you get there."

"No, Oliver. You told me you would tell me after my children. It's been three…almost four years. You promised."

He sighed and shook his head. "No. If you were to never see him again, I would tell you. But you will see him in two months time. And in that moment that you do see him…you will know."

He kissed my cheek before heading to the door.

"Oliver!" I called out to him.

He turned from the door and waited for me like I knew he would.

"Are you coming to Port Royal?"

"Yes, of course I will be. Who's going to be there when you fall?"

His words frightened me. He was going to let me find out the terrors of my new world by myself and then pick me up and place me right. I should have fought against him and ordered him to tell me. But I couldn't.

He bowed and left through the front cherry doors without another glance.

* * *

A/N: I always feel terrible because Brenna is the constant target of my depression. and it doesnt get better...such a poor thing she is. 


	12. Swords That Cut

I have a slight surprise for you. I shall not give my thanks until afterwards as I am sure it would spoil it. Read on...

* * *

The ship docked on the Port. My eyes feasted gleefully on my new home. _He_ dwelled on that island and soon I would too. My heart was a flutter. My hands were shaking.

"This way, my lady." The Captain waved for me to follow. I took up little Delilah in my arms and held Aiden's small hand in mine.

I tapped down the plank in my expensive shoes and onto the wooden dock. I was greeted by the inhabitants and the few people of wealth on the island. I smiled at them all feeling much like Madame la Dauphine.

"Make way!" A man bellowed from beyond the crowd.

A carriage pulled up at that moment and the crowds stepped from it with a certain fear that I could not place.

"Go on! Move you bloody pig-headed thieves!' The voice yelled. The crowd dispersed leaving an open trail to me.

The man I had dreaded to see came forth from his frivolous coach. He came forward with his cane, his black triangular hat placed on his perfectly fit white wig, his black boats pounding down on me with Mr. Mercer following suit. We met just beyond a halfway point and bowed to one another.

"Just like a royal couple!" A young girl gasped as she clutched onto her mother.

Lord Beckett took Aiden into his arms and stared at him for a long moment. "The future Lord of Gallow, Aiden Cutler Beckett."

He then looked to his daughter and took a piece of her unruly black hair from her eyes and secured it into her up do. "And the future heiress of her mother's beauty and mannerisms." Delilah laughed and held her arms out to him. Lord Beckett turned on her, making Delilah begin to fuss. She turned to me, small tears in her eyes. I brushed them away and placed a large kiss upon her forehead.

We were off in only moments with the crowds running after us, cheering and blessing us. The more I listened, the more the seemed to be blessing me more than Cutler which I found odd.

Cutler leaned over and began to kiss my neck with a much awaited longing. I gently pushed him. "I am very tired, darling. I believe you could save such trifles for later?"

He chuckled darkly. "I believe I could. You shan't be able to sleep tonight, however, as I have missed your company far too much for comfort."

I pretended to smile when in all actuality my heart was lurching from my breast in nervousness. Would _he_ even see me? Would _he_ greet me with smiles like he had once promised?

The carriage stopped at a stone looking fort as I snapped my head in Cutler's direction. "This is where we are to live?"

"No, no my love. I must finish up my duties here and I was hoping you would accompany me with the children. Besides, I wish to rub you in the eyes of all those who despise me."

"They despise you?" My eyebrow arched.

"Yes." He smirked. "But I govern them with fear. They shan't turn their backs on me or their lives are ruined." He was a pure devil then, as he reflected upon something that had happened before my arrival.

The moment I came from the carriage, with my children in toe, the fort halted. Soldiers were climbing over walls to see me. Lieutenants, Captains, a few Generals, and guards all flocked like sheep to greet us.

"Lord Beckett! Is this your long awaited wife?" A man asked.

"Yes, Gillette, this is my wife Lady Brenna Beckett of Gallow."

He then gloated about his twins but everyone's eyes were on Aiden. Some of the men looked to my daughter and one Lieutenant came forward. "I have a five year old son. If you like, we could propose a betrothal."

"I believe it is too early to speak on a betrothal, sir."

"Quite right." Beckett nodded. "We shall wait until she is seven."

Before I could protest, I was driven off towards a pair of stairs. They all bowed in an over exerted manner, some better than the rest, but all seemed relieved that I had arrived. There was something odd about how my arrival was like the Messiah coming down from heaven.

"This way, my dear." Cutler whispered as he dragged me over to a grand staircase made of rich cherry wood that led up to a second story set of offices. I tapped up the stairs with him, disappointed that I hadn't seen _him_ yet. The doors opened and in came a view of a lavish office with a view of the ports.

He left my side to go to his desk and to discuss various things with Mr. Mercer. I picked up a sword that had a beautiful navy blue and gold handle with golden tassels. It was magnificent. It oddly tingled on my skin. It was…

"Lord Beckett I have charted a course for our next departure but I-"

The voice stopped.

But that voice was heaven.

That voice was what I had longed to hear for so long. I turned like a creaking door around to let my eyes stumble over into his. I clutched the sword, unaware of the blood dripping from my hands. Our eyes locked in a never ending battle of hatred, love, lust, and wonder. He wasn't smiling. He only watched me with expecting eyes.

He had forgotten me. He had let my memory fade.

His eyes fell onto my hands as did my children's. They began to scream making Cutler turn his head in annoyance and confusion. He yelped at the sight of my blood and came rushing to me. He took the sword and thrust it into James's hands.

I could not feel the pain. My eyes were still on him. I had no heart at that moment. He was looking straight through me.

"James! James what is all the commotion?" A voice of sweet melodies burst in through the doors.

A woman with towering brunette hair and eyes of luscious brown laid on me. She came awfully close to James as if she knew him like I knew him. "Nothing is the matter, Isabella. Please, go back to the carriage and wait for me."

"James, how can you be so fickle? Aren't you going to introduce me?"

My hands were being bandaged but I could not feel the world beneath my feet. Objects were hazy. The world was covered in smoke. My world was crumbling. No. No. No. No.

"Very well. Isabella, this is Lady Beckett of Gallow. Lady Beckett, this is Miss. Isabella Swan of Versailles…my fiancé."

Something in my chest deceased. My eyes went black. My face flushed. I stepped forward with my bandaged hands much to Lord Beckett's dismay. I executed a bow of perfection for her and she did the same. She was flawless. Her bows were that of strict structure. Her back was a board. She was everything that France was. Gloriously dressed, speech of perfection, and a smile that made me tingle.

"Lady Beckett! You don't know how much I have longed to meet you. This entire island is practically buzzing with you arrival. You must come to Norrington Manor to sip some of our fine teas! Imagine it James…Lady Beckett, the King's favorite, at your humble abode…" She smirked with delight.

"Isabella Swan?" My eyes were burning now into his skin. He shifted uncomfortably.

"Yes, my lady." Her eyes were expecting me to speak.

"I have heard of your family. Quite powerful they are with Madame la Dauphine and the Dauphin. It is I who should be wishing to meet you."

Her cheeks flushed. She was obviously overjoyed that I had granted even a few words to her beyond what propriety would have allowed. She was a lady and every movement expressed it to the plain eye. I loathed her.

My daughter poked her head out from behind my skirts to view the couple before them. Isabella was drawn to her and James's eyes were now fixed on her…as if bewitched. Aiden came round and tugged on my gown. Though my hands stung with my cut flesh, I picked him up and held him. Delilah took a step forward and felt his stockings and then his coat, in deep fascination with the man that could have been her father.

"Twins." He stated as his eyes were back to mine.

"This, in my arms, is Aiden and she is Delilah."

Aiden, now that I looked at him, was pale and dreary eyed. I looked more closely at him and turned my back to walk towards Cutler. I whispered to him to call the doctor. Aiden appeared to have the slightest cold.

"I shall call as soon as possible." Isabella stated as I came back to them with Delilah trailing my every step. "Oh James! She must come to the wedding."

My eyebrows arched. "When is the wedding?"

"Three days. It shall be the grandest wedding on this island…though I'm sure it will never even qualify for comparison to yours. I must ask your advice on a certain type of flower I wish to use. Oh and you must attend the rehearsal dinner!"

"Come along, Isabella." James whispered.

He bowed sharply and helped his fiancé out the door. He turned back to me, his eyes watching Lord Beckett. Then, his eyes met mine and he smiled. Just like he promised. He bowed gently this time and left my presence.

* * *

A/N: SURPRISE! Ok well, Isabella as some of you might know is from "Duchess Norrington"'s series and I was fortunate enough to borrow her for the remainder of the story. But, I have thought long and hard about it and I realized that there could have been a different version of this even. So, when I am finished with this story (which is not even close to being done), I shall branch off and do that what if. You will just have to enjoy Izzy for what she is and then I shall do a different version. I like to mess around with what could happen and the different outcomes, as you can tell. That way, it can make those that hate this idea find amusement in something else and those that love Izzy find pleasure in both! I shall be updating soon and so sorry that I put u on sorta a cliffie. I bet you're all asking "Is Brenna going to kill herself now?" And as for my depression...its long and complicated and isnt worth worrying about so just enjoy what I have created from it! I apologize for the length of the broadcast as well. 


	13. That's It Then?

Well I am glad you liked it. Thanks to "Duchess Norrington, JazzTrumpet, Batman'ssidekick15, Too.Nice.1108, and Commodore Cuddles" for your reviews. Well...lets get this awkward triangle of a love party started, shall we?

* * *

The moment stretched on like an endless waist of time. I could not think as my children were demanding my attention. But yet the thoughts did occur to me as I smiled for them and played with them. I felt no pain in my hands. It was all in my heart. The tears constantly threatened and even as the doctor came to inspect Aiden, whom I was growing constantly aware of his declining excitement, did my thoughts wander.

So many questions left unanswered. _Isabella Swan?_ He was to marry a Swan?

And what was worse…_he was getting married._ The thought had never occurred to me that he would move on. I had always thought he would wait for me, never age, never change his mind…that he would always be mine. To me he would always be as he was beneath the oaks of Lady Anna's gardens.

But she knew him. She knew him as if he was close with her. As if his affections were instilled upon her daily. Had he fallen in love with another? Was I truly forgotten?

My mind reeled the rest of the day and into the night. As Cutler lay tired and satiated beside me, I could not help but think of James. Every little twitch of my eyes brought scenes of him back. I had to see him. I had to ask him if he loved her. I had to know…I had to…

The next morning as I sat in my new parlor with the sun cascading on me in my own personal reverie, my small tears slipping uselessly down my cheeks, a butler entered.

I brushed the tears away so he could not see at the exact moment that Miss. Swan entered with smiles. I stood, rarely keeping my knees from knocking together, and greeted the woman who had everything.

But behind her was a long procession of women, all of various titles and mannerisms who were the only women of the elite that were worth knowing on the island. And I was now their leader. It appeared to me that Miss. Isabella Swan was their leader, but she seemed to relinquish all rights to me.

I could not comprehend why for she must have reveled in the fact that everyone worshipped her. She was a goddess.

They all began to converse with me while tea and an assortment of scones, jellies, pastries, and goodies were placed before us onto my coffee table and surrounding tables by settees and couches alike. They all fanned out, all in obvious ridged protocol speaking humbly while fanning themselves.

"Lady Beckett, do tell us of Gallow! Is it really as grand as they say?" Miss. Swan made the conversation switch to me in which all eyes bore down on me with expectation.

I pressed my tea and saucer gently onto the table and clasped my hands in my lap. "Gallow is far more luxurious than any other palace I have yet been. I have not even ventured into half of it as I was surely to get lost."

My behavior was charming. No one suspected a thing of my impending urge to break down into tears and tear Miss. Swan's hair out. "And you, Miss. Swan? I have heard many tales of Versailles, but I have yet to visit."

"It is a grand palace to dwell. Words cannot describe it! But…Port Royal is so dear to me that I find myself not missing one frescoed wall or antique vase."

"I envy you." I said, my face in a smile and my words like little glints of laughter. But she had no idea the true meaning of those words.

She chuckled to herself and made me melt with her smile. "Oh, you are too kind Lady Beckett! It is us who envy you. You have more than the entire people of Port Royal put together. Why, you husband alone is the most powerful with the King. And you have cavorted with the Duchess of Devonshire!"

I decided to divert the conversion from what I had into something that I could do. "I was wondering if I should put together a ball." The words flew from my mouth. I had not been able to form them in my mind before they burst through the air and onto the ears of the ladies that would hold me to that idea.

Some cried out in yes's while others urged me to carry on.

"It would take place after Miss. Swan's wedding, of course, and after her honeymoon but I am most hoping to throw one soon."

"My honeymoon shall only be a month as James will be eager to return to the Fort."

If they could only see what the words were doing to me would they have disappeared and left me to my solace. But I went on with the topic…anything to keep me from shouting at them all to leave me be.

I thought I was to scream until someone very much needed entered the room. Oliver strode in with only one intention on his mind, to rescue me from these women. I had not seen him in quite some time and just his face brought instant relief to me. They all cocked their heads and practically dropped to the floor. Most were married, but those who weren't but their lips until they almost bled. Just his sight gave them some unearthly pleasure. It drove me to hysterical laughter inside to see them all begin to ask questions.

"Ladies, may I present Baron Oliver Radcliff, my husband's cousin."

Oliver was an instant success. By mentioning my husband, the women were just falling over themselves to please him. Oliver looked at them with vague curiosity. He answered their questions politely, revealing little about himself, and smiled when appropriate. "If you excuse me ladies, I must escort Lady Beckett to the fort."

They all nodded in approval and were lead from me to the front doors where they all parted on their merry ways. I took one look at Oliver and burst into tears. He ran over to my side and gathered me in his arms like a small child, kissing my forehead and promising that everything was going to be alright.

"No, Oliver…nothing is to ever be alright again! He's marrying her…" I took a deep breath, hiccupping while I did so and continued to sob.

He stroked my neck while I began to think back on what he told me in England. I had to tell him to stop the events…events.

He knew.

He knew and he didn't tell me. I pushed myself from him and stood uneasily. "You knew! You did not tell me he was to be married!"

"I wanted you to tell him. You can still stop this."

"How?" I demanded.

"The Fort. I bribed one of Isabella's companions to hold her somewhat hostage so that James would be alone. You must go to him. Now."

* * *

I tapped down the hallway of the Fort, seeking out the person I needed most. I left my children safely in the care of Oliver and Fanny and Cutler was working tediously on capturing more pirates than was necessary.

I could not ask for anyone's help as they would surely suspect something; for why would I wish to see someone as insignificant as Admiral Norrington. I spotted him moments later. Our eyes met and at once he bowed to be excused.

He sauntered over to me, not caring how he bewitched my heart. "How may I help you, Lady Beckett?"

I forced a smile. "I wish to have a private audience with you."

He looked uneasily about. "This is not the time or the place."

"Fine. Then I can come over later then…in the middle of the night…when Isabella is fast asleep."

"No. No…just…tell me what it is you have to say right here. It won't look too suspicious. I shall say you were asking me about the upcoming hangings so as to try and stop it."

I took a deep breath, hoping to contain my posture, knowing all too well that I could not. "_Isabella Swan?!"_ I hissed in the lowest voice I could muster.

"I know what you are thinking. Why would I marry a relative of the most scandalous woman at this moment? Because I love her."

"Really? Is it that or is it because you are trying to forget me?"

"I cannot forget you. You are a demon that posses my every thought and if I do not drive you out quickly I shall go mad."

"You would rid of me because you think of me?" I paused. "Do you know how often I think of you? Every single tick of the clock is owned by your memory!"

"Why?" He half yelled making a few people turn around to see what all the commotion was about. I pretended to smile prettily and he smirked. They all went back to their business taking no note of the heat between us.

"Why what?"

"Why did you not come to me?"

"I could not come to you! Did you not see them?"

"Who?"

"The guards! They were keeping me in and you out!"

"I don't believe for one-" but his face melted away and he seemed to reminiscing in the past. He rubbed the back of his neck in tension and looked as if he were to cry. "What are we going to do?"

"You can call off the wedding for starters. And then you can kidnap me and take me away…"

"There are many reasons why I cannot do either of those things. As to the first, I have spent far too much time and effort convincing Isabella that I love her and that I don't want to marry her for her wealth. She may look harmless and passive but she is an actual thinking and breathing individual with a temper to match that of an irritated cat. To the second, you have children. You cannot leave Cutler as he appears to need you. You cannot imagine how much easier work is now that you are here."

My eyes fell onto the ground, my tears swelling once again. "So that's it then? We just never speak to each other? Of course we say kind words when we are forced to face each other at garden parties and balls, but other than that we cannot resume where we left off?"

His arm looked as if it was about to gather me in his. But the amount of time and public eye was impeding as it always was. He took a step forward to kiss my bandaged hand. "I apologize for the mark my sword left on you."

"Apology not accepted. I love the marks you leave on me."

To an untrained eye he would look as if he was wishing me farewell. But that was not the case.

"Meet me by the cliffs at midnight. I shall be waiting."

He turned and left me breathless. In his eyes I caught it. That faint twinkle of appreciation for the sight of me and that endless sea of toxic love.


	14. Not Giving A Damn

I would like to thank "Duchess Norrington" once again for allowing me to use Isabella. She was very kind in doing so. Thank you to my reviewers and hopefully this shall satisfy your thirst...

* * *

I was on nerves. I could not control my shaking. And the worst part was Cutler did not suspect a thing. He had not one fleeting thought about what I was going to do. I was to become the very opposite of what I stood for. I was a hypocrite. Here I was, all mighty with wealth and jewels and a husband who at least cared for me and I was to run out in the middle of the night to meet the man I truly loved.

I felt like a common whore.

How was I ever to go to church again? I could not pray to God and all the while be cavorting with another man.

Well…I had not slept with James. And there was a possibility that he would keep me from compromising my honor. There also was the slight chance of him truly loving Isabella. Then what would I do? Ignore the fact that the only one who gave me happiness, besides my children, was married and starting a family of his own?

In misery, that's what I was. Seeing him was supposed to cure me of it. But no. I was to be a nervous wreck with what if's crowding into my head that I could not even form a sentence.

Aiden began to cough uncontrollably during dinner. That was when I knew his cold was something more than just a small cold. I had Fanny put him to bed and gave him some warm milk to help him sleep. Cutler simply kissed me good night as he was drained from the day's activities.

Everything seemed to be going along perfectly. Why? Everything was supposed to be in chaos. Cutler should have been undressing me by now. Delilah should have been screaming to stay up longer than her bedtime. Aiden should have been saying my name a thousand times until I paid attention to him.

But they house was silent. All was still.

Now was the time to make my choice. I had forty minutes left until I was to meet him. How was I going to get out? What was I to do if someone caught me? I decided that it would just be best if I dressed in dark colors so as to not attract attention. My heart thumped as I stole into the gardens and down the side of the cliff. Down and down and down I went until I reached the bottom. Surely someone was looking for me. Surely my name was being called. I listened…

Nothing but the small breeze from the ocean. Something made a sound from around the corner. I laid up flat against the stones and waited. I knew his steps too well and when he turned the corner, I smiled in relief. He walked forward, motioning for me to follow and into a small crack of the cliffs we went. Down through a tunnel and threw more cracks we traveled until finally we reached a room lit with candles. It was all made of stone, covered in furs and various treasures.

"James…this is absolutely beautiful!"

"Yes, and lucky for me no one has discovered it." He paused to look me over. "Has anyone suspected anything? Are they searching for you?"

I shook my head.

"Cutler is most odd when it comes to controlling you lately."

"He trusts me."

His eyebrows arched. "And after this meeting?"

I blushed. "I am not quite sure what you want of me James? Do you want me to ignore you, leave you be, let you live a life with your precious Isabella?"

He sighed. "That shall be the continuing question throughout my life. I will always want you. You are like an intoxicating addiction. Have it too many times and it can kill you…but if not enough than it drives one mad."

"And," I took a breath, "do you want me?"

His eyes were now intruding into my soul and then dropped his head in agony. "I will always want you."

"Do you love me?"

"Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow…"

My eyebrows furrowed. "Do you love her?"

No answer.

I pressed forward. "You love her like you would a dear friend…but she is nothing else…?"

He shook his head. "I think I do love her. Though it is not as strong as it is for you…I am torn between two women."

"Then what am I doing here? If I cannot have you fully, then I cannot have you at all."

I turned to go, but his hand was on my arm, singing my pores with adoration. "Do not leave me. Too long I have been without your company and now that you are here…I shan't give that up."

He swung me around until I was in his arms. I was limp like a jellied pastry. He leaned down and took hold of the nape of my neck and kissed me for the first time in years. I cried out as he found my favorite spot to be kissed, remembering every line and shape of my skin. I was pressed to him…becoming one with him. I could not control myself. I knew what I was doing as I lifted his waist coat from his shoulders. I knew every movement of my hands as I unbuttoned his frock, as I threw off his shirt to reveal his muscled chest in all its pale beauty.

He even knew what he was doing as he untied the back of my dress, leaving my corset there for his personal preference, and removing my pannier. He knew what he was doing as we fell onto the floor and I seized to him.

But the best part was I did not give a damn.


	15. I Promise

Thanks to all those who have reviewed and love this.

I just want to say that _Atonement_ ruined my life and I will never be happy again as it is the saddest movie, next to Becoming Jane, that I have ever seen. Please excuse me while I go cry myself a fricking river.

* * *

I lay panting on my side as my mind reeled. What had I done? I had betrayed everything to him. If Cutler even had the slightest clue, my life was over. He would destroy me and most likely kill James. 

But it was _so wonderful._ I wanted more of it. I wanted to never leave this small stone room. I would give anything up just to have him stay with me. Even my children.

_Whore! You would give up your children for sex!_

I cried out in agony as my mind split in two. I want him. I want him not. I want him. I want him not…

"Brenna? Is something the matter?" James was now shaking my shoulder.

I pushed him off and began to cry. It was not supposed to be like this! I was supposed to be innocent and give myself over to him. Yet I preformed like a well trained strumpet at court. Why was I so stupid? I could become pregnant! Oh god…oh good lord! All hell was breaking loose in my mind.

James grasped my shoulders then, forcing me to look at him. "Have I upset you?"

"No! It's just this whole…thing! This whole thing which we have done! James…what if I am to become pregnant? What if someone heard us?" My mind was off on its own tangent possibly never to return.

He pressed me to his chest and held me like a child. "I promise you...you shall not become pregnant."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Trust me."

I did not ask him any more questions and I was surely not going to tell him I was now a common whore. "Please do not…tell anyone."

"Why would I do that?"

I smirked in spite of myself. "You might have the slightest urge to tell your colleagues that you've taken from the great Lord Beckett."

He repressed a laugh while kissing my forehead. "I shan't tell a soul."

My mind was swimming with all that had happened. "James, are you really going to marry her?"

He began to gather his clothes and assemble himself properly. "I have to. It is my duty as a male to produce an heir for the Norrington line. I am the eldest brother and…you're already taken."

I bowed my head in shame. I retrieved my gown from the floor and slid it over my crazed tresses. There was no way I was going to convince people that I fell off a cliff and survived. I looked as if I had just slept with the entire island. Why did he have to be so amazing? I had half hoped Cutler was better so that I would not crave James. But, as my luck would have it, he was a billion times better than anything I had ever experienced.

He tied up my dress and threw me my cloak. In a blur of darkness, we came through the crack and before I could venture back up the cliffs, he caught my arm. "I marry in less that two days time but I would have you know that I dread it."

"You love her and you love me. You shall not dread it." I made my way up a few steps before turning around to see him staring at me intently. "You know…I always knew I would see you again and that you would love me. But I never thought you would give half your heart away after giving it to me in full. Make your choice, James Norrington. I won't wait forever."

Without another word, I left up the cliff and into my gardens. The sun would rise in a few hours but all I wanted was darkness. I quietly padded down the marble hallways of my new home and found my room. Nothing stirred within the house. Not a soul lingered to take sight of me. Committing sin should have been the hardest thing in the world and yet it was the easiest.

* * *

James entered his manner quietly. Isabella was residing in his home at the far end that overlooked the sea and town with her father and duenna. He tiptoed past her room and up the steps towards his study. 

He entered it with ease, not noticing the figure sitting in his chair. He plopped down in his chair, smiling as he recalled how beautiful she was now. She was just a child when he had met Brenna, but now she was a gorgeous mother with a curvaceous figure. He inhaled deeply, just making out her scent on his skin.

"James Norrington, where have you been?"

James stood up from his chair, knocking it over creating a domino affect of various objects that was sure to rouse the whole house. Isabella sat, her arms crossed and the look of furry on her face. "I woke up to your footsteps leaving the house! Where did you go?"

James gulped but hid his emotions behind a mask of irritation. "Am I not allowed to wander about the gardens?"

"You were not headed to the gardens. You went off to town." She gasped suddenly, clasping her hand to her mouth. "Were you visiting the brothels?"

James was the one to be flabbergasted at her accusation. "No I was not at the brothels! For Christ's sake, Izzy! I was just taking a stroll, reveling in the few hours I have left as a single man."

"Is that what this is?" She stood then and made her way to him. "Are you afraid of being tied down?"

"No I-"

"I completely understand if you are. It's not an easy thing, knowing that you shall have to be completely loyal and share your life with me. You have never shared your life with anyone and now…now you must."

James gathered her in his arms with slight reluctance praying that she wouldn't smell Brenna on him. She sniffled, revealing that she could not smell a thing but her own tears and snot. He kissed the top of her head, swimming in how wondrous she smelled. "I am just preparing myself, Isabella. It shall take so much energy to please you."

"Just stay with me, James. Promise me you will not ever leave me…"

James swallowed. "I promise."


	16. No More Hope

"I wont regret saying this  
this thing that im saying  
is it better than keeping my mouth shut,  
that goes without saying  
Call (call) break (break) it (it) off (off)  
Call (call) break (break) my (my) own heart (heart)  
maybe i would have been something you'd be good at  
maybe you would have been something i'd be good at  
but now we'll never know  
i wont be sad but, incase i'll go there everyday  
to make myself feel bad, theres a chance i'll start to wonder if this was the thing to do  
i wont be out long but i still think it better if  
you take your time coming over here  
i think thats for the best  
Call (call) break (break) it (it) off (off)  
Call (call) break (break) my (my)own heart (heart)  
maybe i would have been something you'd be good at  
maybe you would have been something i'd be good at  
but now we'll never know  
i wont be sad but, incase ill go there everyday  
dont make myself feel bad theres a chance ill start to wonder if this was the thing to  
ill start to wonder if this was the thing to do." -Call It off, Tegan and Sara

* * *

The day was typical as it always was for me. I ventured into my son's sickened room to check on him only to find Aiden resting with unease. I then accepted a call from Miss. Swan and helped her choose flowers for her wedding. She was "forever grateful and entirely in my debt". I then dressed for her rehearsal dinner in a darkened plum gown. Cutler was unable to escort me so Oliver was more than willing to accompany me. 

The carriage ride was silent as he held my hand. I took in shaky breaths, holding my nose as the tension soared in my brain. There was no end to it as it washed throughout my veins.

We entered Norrington manner silently, crowds turning as we were announced. I made my way with Oliver to the ballroom where we danced until I could no longer feel my feet.

"The moment you wish to leave, do tell me so."

"I cannot bare it, Oliver! This should be my rehearsal dinner!" I hissed in a faint whisper.

He nodded in understanding. The song ended and we were suddenly bombarded by all sorts of people. There were only a few wealthily dressed couples and the rest were plain in their best suits. There were plenty "Mr. and Mrs." and very few people of title. Many wealthy merchants roamed about, their wives having some ties with the couple of the evening. There were plenty men of the navy speaking with the people that they protected. They were overjoyed at the prospect of a real "Count" and "Lady" gracing their presence. James and Miss. Swan made their way over to us and the crowd parted. James bowed to me silently with no expression. What was I to say?

"We are so honored that you were able to attend!" Miss. Swan smiled in obvious awareness of how many people would now find her to be the favorite of the new royal queen.

I smiled with more politeness than was necessary. I knew it was because of my guilt ridden nerves, but if there was any way to make her oblivious to the fact that her husband and I had fornicated, then I would grant it. "Do accept an apology on behalf of my husband. He has been working quite vigorously on new settlements in Egypt."

"Oh it is of little disappointment!"

My eyebrow arched.

She squirmed. "I mean, as long as you were able to attend that is more than enough happiness you could grant me."

The room seemed to breathe with her quick recovery. James hid a smile but I was able to detect his urge to laugh.

"And you, Admiral Norrington?" I directed my attention towards my secret obsession. "Ready to be married?"

"As all men are."

Oliver stifled an outburst of laughter and I stepped on his foot beneath my dress. I grinned yet again and we continued chatting on the weather and various dress makers who were the absolute sensation of the island. Oliver excused us so he could lead me off onto a somewhat crowded balcony where a flock of doves rushed past and the long steams of flowers dangled over the tops of the railing.

"Everyone hates him, don't they?"

Oliver let go of my arm to place both his hands upon the mossy stone. "He is killing innocent people."

"Are pirates innocent?"

"They are if they are under that age of eight." His head bowed. "As well as those who were only trying to feed their families. Lord Beckett is not well liked compared to you. They view him as pompous, arrogant, and an extravagant Lord who was lucky enough to marry a woman who might stop this."

"They wish me to stop this?" I was completely flabbergasted.

"Yes."

I leaned forward and peered out onto the expanses of the gardens that swirled before the eye at Norrington Manor. To think I could have been the mistress of such a home. I could have been happy.

"I want to leave, Oliver." The words came out before I could think of them.

His expression was now that of concern. "You spent a night with him and you want to leave…already?"

"There's no point in staying. He's going to marry her and then what? They will have children. And…I think he loves her. I am a fond memory but not practical for his life."

Oliver shook his head. "I am behind you in every step that you take…because…I love you Brenna."

My eyes remained on the gardens as couples roamed about. There was a burst of laughter behind us in the ballroom but that could not tempt me to smile. Somehow I always knew Oliver loved me yet I was unsure of what sort of love it was.

"Brotherly affection?"

"More. But I understand that you have too many complications."

"Then why did you say it?"

He brushed his shoulder with mine and smiled. "I had to tell you. But I don't expect anything from you. Just having met you is fine enough for me."

I smirked. "You are too good for me. I fall for the ones I can't have."

He laughed. "Therein lays the problem."

We made our way arm in arm into the ballroom to continue dancing.

* * *

The morning of James's wedding I could hardly stand straight. I leaned over my vanity, both hands gripping the edges as I felt my breakfast reaching into my throat. I choked out a few tears to save me the embarrassment later. The world swayed, my head heaved, my eyes moved in unfocused tension and my back ached. There was nothing I could do to stop it.

The maids waited for me, holding out a water bowl for me to wash my hands of my powder. I threw it away, letting it crash onto the floor in my heated rage. The maids gasped and hurried to pick up the small pieces. I had not even dressed when Cutler came into my room, taking in the spectacle of the fallen water dish and me leaned over in my nightgown trying to keep my head from splitting in two.

"Did I miss something?" He asked as he went into my closet to pick my finest gown from its secure hanging.

"Just not feeling well is all." I took another breath. "Any word on Aiden?"

"The Doctor's are bleeding him. But he grows paler with each passing hour." He held out my most intricate gown and fell into a chair to watch me. Delilah then came in to watch me as well, her small body crawling onto her father's lap. He seemed reluctant at first, but found her plump skin most comfortable to cuddle with. I felt as if I was in a play and they were the audience. I sighed heavily and began to dress in my turquoise muslin gown with diamonds embedded on the bodice.

It was going to be a long day.

Cutler and I arrived in our finest coach. Delilah was not allowed to attend the ceremony as she is a child and must not worry of such things. Cutler looked absolutely fabulous in his golden silk coat and rubies. The elite, though in tremendous fear, all bowed to us as we passed by them, arm in arm, to the very front row. Oliver, as I could see from a far corner, was being hounded my women. He bowed to me from far off with a smirk and reassuring expression. I nodded to him with a polite smile as we made our way to the front pew of the church. It was a typical fashioned ceremony with a good deal of extravagance. The music sounded and the bride made her way down the isle.

I despised Isabella Swan. She looked more radiant and assured than I had ever been. Well, there were plenty of reasons why we differed on our wedding days. She was marrying a man whom she was deeply infatuated with and I married a man I despised.

The ceremony was a blur. I could not keep my focus. My eyes were continuously placed on James and all I could think was that should have been me.

Colors, music, laughter, chatter, mindless hopes and dreams splattered over the course of the next hours. My stomach churned. The words from my mouth were animated. I could not speak to James as he made his way with Isabella towards their carriage that would take them away on their honeymoon. My legs burned. My heart shrank. The tears threatened to show but, just as my mother had taught me, I kept them welled up inside.

James took one last look at me that no one else caught before being swallowed into the darkness of the carriage. I waved as did all the others and I could feel it. Life was to never be full of hope ever again. This was it. He was leaving me and possibly never to return the way he was. The carriage started and rolled off into the distant shrinking son.

"Lord Beckett! Lady Beckett!" A man cried from far off.

He was galloping towards us with haste, his expression that of fear. The crowds turned to watch what was happening and I could see that it was Dr. Granger. He was off of his horse in no second at all and came forward, the breath sucked from him, his face red with the nipping cold of the winds. "Your son!"

My head snapped to Cutler whose skin had flushed pale. No other words needed to be said before we were running towards our carriage.


	17. Funeral

Thanks to those who reviewed. For this chapter I suggest "Farewell" on the Atonement soundtrack as this is not necessarily for the light hearted as will alot of chapters.

* * *

Cutler and I stood together, hand in hand, watching our son breathe in raspy breathes. His sickness grew worse by the second. I was most positive that this was my punishment for what I had done. God was smiting me down. He was taking my son before my eyes.

The doctor's grave faces peered at us now. Cutler's hand tightened on mine. This was not going to be pleasant.

"I'm sorry my lord, my lady. But your son suffers. He shall be bleed at once but Dr. Granger and I see no hope for improvement."

Cutler's head bowed and I shut my eyes tight from all the world. This was the ultimate punishment. Tears slipped down my cheeks. I wanted to hold my boy, my darling baby, but the doctors forbade me from doing so. "You might be infected." They had no other answer.

What did I care if I was infected? I had seen enough and committed enough errors to go to hell. I might as well finish off the job. If I died, I wanted to be holding Aiden.

Delilah came to me while I sat just outside Aiden's door with worry written all over her porcelain face. "Ma?" She stretched forth her arms and without a thought I picked her up. She sat in my lap and played with my fallen curls. Cutler was leaned up against the opposite wall watching us but not really paying attention.

The hours dragged. Still we stayed. I refused to eat and so did my husband. Delilah munched on her powdered cookie but she bore no smile on her face.

The door opened and with it the smell of death. The doctors slowly thudded into the hall, their composure that of distress. Once they reached us, their voices were lost. Dr. Granger spoke first.

"Your son did not make it. We are terribly sorry."

Cutler's head sank into his hands, and for the first time I saw a truly human nature. He was crying. I stood up, leaving Delilah in the chair, and ran to him. I covered him with my arms and whole figure, slamming him back into the wall with the force of my run so that we held onto each other. We could not let go of each other. Fanny came and gathered Delilah from us and for an hour we stood there, crying into each other's shoulders.

What was my life coming to? Since the day I met Cutler, my life has been nothing but chaos. It was his entire fault. He was the one that married me, made me have children…and come to this godforsaken island only to be hurt again!

No matter how much I wanted to blame Cutler, I could only find fault in myself. I allowed myself to still love James. I pushed myself into coming here without thinking of the consequences. It was my fault.

I could not move and for a while I clung to him as if he could bring my son back. Did he think it was my fault? Did he blame me like I tried to blame him?

That night we sank into my bed and held each other. We were in the same state of emotion. Our wounds were fresh, real, and running on through our hearts at the same time. But the strangest part of this entire ordeal was that I only wanted Cutler to hold me. I knew the reasons. It was with him that I made Aiden. And it was him that reminded me so much of my little boy.

* * *

Morning came and with it the darkest imprint on my heart. I felt the weight of it pressing down further into my chest. I could scarcely make a move.

Cutler and I stayed in bed, much to all of our callers' dismay, and remained in each other's company throughout the evening. I refused every single person who wished to send their condolences. It was only Oliver whom I admitted and but did not allow myself to see him. The sight of him was not welcome. He stayed with Delilah who was too young to know what happened. She knew only that her brother was no longer there to play with her and for this she cried.

The next morning Cutler rose but spoke very little. He downed a cup of coffee and headed off to work, kissing my forehead and leaving before another tear could be spilt. I stared at the ceiling, the soft drip of my tears splattering against my soft sheets. My love and my son. Gone before I even had a chance to change things. No woman should have to deal with what I have been dealt. It was not fair. It was just not fair.

I rose the next day to soak in a bath of rose petals. I threw on a simple black gown and had my hair pulled up again into its tower of terror. I hated to look at myself. Those puffy brown eyes that told a hundred women's stories. Those laugh lines around my mouth though I rarely ever laughed.

I padded down the hallways looking for my daughter only to find her in her playroom with all of her toys that money could buy. I sat with her and played dolls, horses, tea, and even house with her. She was the only thing to bring me happiness. I smiled when she giggled. She threw out her arms and smuggled me in her hair. She told me she loved me and I held her closer.

"I love you too, little one."

At the funeral I could not keep focus on those around me who wished me their condolences. I heard them not and their presence was most irritating. I wanted to just stare at his grave and hear no voices. I just wanted to whisper all the things I would have taught him and given him had he just lived a little longer. I promised to take care of his sister, to raise her in love and devotion and to never allow her to forget him.

Cutler and I looked at each other as people swarmed around us at Beckett Palace after the service. Low murmurs and whispers with distressed glances surrounded us. But all we could see was each other. He took a stray hair from my face and placed it behind my ear. He kissed the top of my forehead and cheeks before taking my arm to lead me outside where we sat in solitude without anyone's intrusion. In these brief moments I could feel Aiden. His plump little hand over my shoulder and kissing my hair. I would miss him dearly and the fact that I never got a chance to watch him grow killed. But what hurt the most was that I was so overwhelmed with loving James that I never truly paid attention to him. That very fact stabbed my heart until blood was a constant river in it.


	18. No Place In His Life

I am terribly sorry that there are really no happy events in Brenna's life as of late. This story is not for the light hearted and those who want a happy ending must look elsewhere. It is much like Atonement or Becoming Jane. This is a life where sadness rules and heartbreak is the constant emotion.

Thank you for your precious reviews. They mean alot to me. "Duchess Norrington, Batman'ssidekick, Commodore Cuddles, JazzTrumpet, Too.Nice.1108, Nelle07, and Mrs.DeppQueenObsessorGodess" thank you for leaving ur reviews.

* * *

The next few days seemed as if they were a break. A break from life, love, death, illness, discontent, emotion and distress. Cutler spoke little and when he did it was only with the deepest affection for me. Life was that of a dream for a while. I called upon people and they called on me. Everything was normal. Everything was calm.

But as my luck would have it life was to bounce back to its steep, mountain filled land mines. I had noticed it had been three weeks since the wedding and when James returned it was odd. I had pictured him living forever on that ship with Miss—

_Mrs. Norrington._

God those words chilled me and stopped me in mid thought. That was supposed to be my title. Things only got worse when he heard the news and they both called on me. I could not reject their call as I was plainly in the garden with Delilah and laughing as we twirled, with our hands connected, around the front lawns. I was in perfect health and everyone could tell that no sickness affected me. The sun sprayed down onto us and neither of us cared if we were to receive freckles. We bore no hats and our hair was down. If people wanted to gasp at such a scandal I cared not for it. I wanted to only make my daughter happy and that in itself was bliss.

"Hello!" Called Mrs. Norrington from the gravel leading up to the front doors.

Delilah and I fell over in our dizzy states giggling as they made their way to us. I threw my little girl into my arms and prepared myself to face them. Isabella was more radiant now than ever, the glow of a newlywed about her. She was all smiles as she held tightly onto her husbands arm. James's eyes were on me as if he had seen me for the first time in decades. His eyes were then on Delilah's. He watched her as if she were a strange woodland creature…something that he wanted.

Mrs. Norrington's expression moved into that of pity. "I am terribly sorry for the loss of your son. We feel awful that we were unable to console you."

There was a silence as my eyes fell to the ground. "It is understandable as you were on your honeymoon. Let us meet in the parlor."

We trotted our way into Beckett palace where Isabella practically swooned being surrounded by rooms that cost more than Norrington Manor itself. Delilah scurried over to fanny who quickly took her from my sight much to my discontent. Isabella entered the parlor, taking in all around her with small gasps.

"How do you like it?" I asked, feeling slightly better that I appeared to win in the wealth department. Though Mrs. Norrington came from money, not all of her wealth could buy the things I had. She had the man, however, and that was more than anything money could buy.

"I like it very much! C'est magnifique!" Her French accent was perfect.

"I recently had it remodeled. Yet it still does not compare to the Palace of Versailles."

"It's quite close."

"Shall we?" I asked as tea was brought in on a tray.

This whole time James had been watching me but I ignored him. And he knew why.

They both sat down on the flower printed settee as a maid poured them tea and we fixed our hot liquids the way we preferred them. "How was your honeymoon?"

I did not really care to know but seeing as it was polite to ask, I did.

She smiled deviously. "James is quite the romantic. He took me on the most extravagant cruise around all the islands and took my breath away with each uninhibited island." She threw him a content smirk. "But, of course we could not stay long as James was eager to get back to work."

James's eyes caught mine and I knew the urgency in them. He wished to speak to me. I called for Fanny to bring in Delilah. I whispered in her ear to play with Isabella and she obeyed me at once, crawling onto the lap and playing with Isabella's sunhat. I excused myself with a need to tend to something. I closed the doors, walked about a ten yards from the door until I heard a click behind me. I turned and nodded towards the large maze of gardens where no one could possibly see us. It took about five minutes to hide behind a small, unused temple with statues in it. He took one look at me and leaned forward to kiss me. I snapped my head away just as his lips grazed my cheek.

His temper flared and at once he was moving away from me. "You've given up then?"

"I can not wait for you. You are married."

"That does not mean that I cannot be yours."

"You love her, James. I am a fond memory but not reality."

"Don't—say that." His voice cracked. He was holding in his tears as he spoke to me. "I could not bear being away from you. It was if my heart had been reconnected to yours and I must be close or else it deceases to beat."

I shook my head. "You just do not want to admit that you must let go."

"Would you have me forget you?"

"I would be lying if I said I did not."

He shook his head again as if to stop the truth from exploding in his mind. "Do you love me?"

"That is not the question. The question is do you love me enough to let me go?"

He was naturally astonished. "Did that night in the cave meant nothing to you?"

"It meant the world to me. But it was only one night of happiness. I could not do that again. Do you know what I saw in Cutler when Aiden died? A human being." I paused. "He may seem ruthless and unmerciful but to me he is the kindest human that God could have given me."

"But he forced you into a marriage."

"And I cannot pity myself any longer for that. It happens to most women. Isabella is the luckiest woman to have married the man of her dreams." I took a small turn around a column, my fingers brushing the rough surface slightly. "I must do what is expected of me."

"So you would live a dull life of producing heirs and earning respect from people who are as cold as English winters?!"

"If that is the path I must follow, so be it."

His lips were tight now and he was just a few moments from bursting. "What was your purpose in coming here? You could have saved yourself from this and save your son! Was it curiosity?"

"No." I took a breath to keep myself from slapping him. "It was hope. Hope that we could carry on. But there is obviously no room for me in your new life. Go to her, James…promise me you will love her diligently."

He remained still. "Never. I love you. You!" He was taking hold of me at once and forcing his kisses upon me. I beat upon his chest for him to stop but he held me tight like a rag doll. He took my face into his palms and compelled my eyes to look up into his. "Please don't choose him over me."

I threw his hands off of me and began to walk back towards the palace. He caught up with me and took my hand. "James! Enough!" I yelled just loud enough to get my point across but not loud enough for others to hear.

"Tell me if you love him! Do you love Lord Beckett?"

We stood there, facing each other for a moment. Then I left him in my heated rage towards the parlor. I begged to be excused from Mrs. Norrington's presence and took my daughter with me. It killed me to have to do that. But I could not bear to see Isabella be fooled into thinking that James had eyes only for her. James had to give everything he had to her or else our lives would collide again. And I could not allow it.

* * *

Fortunately, for my peace of mind, I was not pregnant. I rejoiced silently at this prospect and that brought my smiles of happiness into view. Oliver and I were together once again beneath the trees to watch Delilah run after birds and bees sometimes twirling around and calling Aiden's name.

"Aiden! Come out from the tree! Play with me!" She would call, peering up into trees to see if her brother dwelled there. But having no luck in that hope, she would run off towards the wildflowers and roll in them forgetting all about her brother.

Oliver lay on the grass beside me with his eyes closed and humming to himself.

"Why have you not called on the young and eligible ladies of Port Royal?" I wondered aloud to him.

He sighed. "Because none of them are interesting. They are just jumping to get my attention and quite frankly I preferred to be ignored. It's the exhilaration of the chase."

I laughed at him. "I have never ignored you."

"Yes, in a way you did and still do."

I laughed at him again. "How so dearest Oliver?"

He remained where he was but opened his eyes. "You were so intent on loving James and hating Cutler that I was just something to comfort you. You never actually respected my feelings or what you were doing to me."

My smile dropped. "What did I do?" I was worried that I had possibly hurt him in some way.

"By telling me everything about you, your secret wishes and desires, you revealed that we are much in the same. If you and I had never met…I would be caught in an unrelenting duel with my cousin to see who owns the East India Trading Company."

My eyebrows furrowed. "But, he's the oldest. You would not stand a chance."

He barked out a laugh. "Thank you for having so much confidence in me." He took another breath before explaining. "I am actually the oldest."

"What?"

"His father was a favorite to the King and mine was not. Therefore, he got the titles, money, land, and company. It was supposed to go to me…but the King thought otherwise." His mouth moved into that of tight disdain. "That is why I despise your husband so."

"But he…he really is a human being. He feels like you and I and that is all that matters…"

His eyes shot up to mine. "You are defending him?"

I lay down on the grass with a sigh. "I am realizing that no matter how much I want to be with James, I am just as content to be married to Cutler."

"What will happen when he wants another son?"

"He would not dare to ask me for another son so soon."

Just at that moment and maid scampered over to us. "My lady, your husband requests your attendance at Fort Charles."

Oliver and I gave each other side glances, but I was up and off towards Fort Charles in a few moments without a clue as to why.


	19. Beware the Voyage of the Hunt

Thank you kind reviewers. This one's kinda creepy...

Remember the dream that Brenna had about the tea and James being taken from her? Well, the tea represented society and the pressing ways in which they must never speak...it also meant Lord Beckett and the fact that he was drowning her. James was being taken from her by LB and there was nothing poor Brenna could do about it. That should just be her nickname, huh? Poor Brenna...

* * *

I entered the open doors of my husband's office to be met with a breeze from the ocean. Cutler was sitting at his usual place, behind his desk. He stood when I entered and kissed me lightly on the lips.

"What is the urgency for your request to have me here?"

"I must speak with you about a matter that has been running through my mind these past few days." Cutler closed the doors and windows, threw the curtains over the sun so that we were in darkness. "I wish for this to be private. I could not very well leave for home as I was needed here but this cannot wait."

My mouth dropped in shock. Surely he did not wish…I forced the thought from my mind. That would be absurd. It would be uncomfortable and irrational.

"I wish to discuss the prospects of another son."

I was a mixture of emotions once he said that. Discuss? Son? Those seemed like distant words that held no meaning anymore. "I thought that men were superior and therefore above discussing the want of another son to their wives. Aren't you supposed to force me into bed without a thought as to how I feel?"

He chuckled to himself. "Brenna, my love, you must know that I am far too satisfied to force you into bed with me. I would actually prefer it if you came willingly but seeing as the death of our son has taken a toll on you I am not pushing for it…yet." He took a sip of brandy before continuing. "I wanted to inform you that we will have another son and that you will do so willingly."

The human in him was no more. In replace of its form was the man I had hated and married. I took a heavy sigh and sat down in front of him. "I do not want another child."

"You will have another son." His lips pursed.

"Yes but what if it is a girl. Then you will still want another child and what if that is a girl…and what if all I can bear are girls and Aiden was the only son I could ever give you!" I began to cry into my hands.

He laughed softly at me before coming to my side. He shoved my hands from my face and placed his finger under my chin so that his thumb rubbed my tear stained lips. "You shall have another son. I am most sure of it."

Silence

"There is one more thing." More silence. "We are taking a voyage."

"You're leaving?"

"We are leaving. Delilah will be staying here, but you and I are leaving on a hunt."

"Of?"

"That does not concern you. We leave in a week."

I wanted to bring my daughter, but I knew full well that having her tag along would only put us both in distress. What if she got sick? I could not loose my little one over a simple voyage. "Who is accompanying us?"

"Baron Radcliff, Comte de Chartres, the Duke of Rochester, a few of my colleagues and about ten thousand troops from the British navy." He paused. "I believe that Admiral Norrington and his wife shall be joining us."

Words were gone from my voice box. How long would I have to endure this punishment? I could not possibly be on the same ship as James and his wife. How could I ignore her then? How could I possibly hide my true feelings?

I decided that I would think about it when the time came. As of that moment, my daughter was alone and I was going to do anything I possibly could to give her the attention she deserved. I left for home, finding rain patting gently on the grounds and when I arrived home, all was vacant. Not even the sounds of my daughter's footsteps. I thought for a moment a memory of Aiden coming towards me with a thumb in his mouth and a smirk in his eyes. I smiled in spite of myself recalling that memory. I opened out my arms as if to pick him up and hold him. But when I reached forth to take hold of his petite torso, he vanished and became air. I stumbled forward instantly crying and looking for him. How stupid I must have looked to be calling out my son's name.

Then I was falling again into that darkened tea, James's voice yelling at me to hold on to him. Then there was a chuckle, a rich and dark chuckle from a woman's jewel encrusted throat. She was picking him up from me and putting him in her cleavage. I was yelling at him to come back to me…to come back.

"Please!" I begged but it was useless.

I then grew to full height and there was the woman, a pregnant belly on her and she was parading in front of me. "You shall never have another son. You are cursed with daughters for what you have done. _You_ killed your son!" The woman came at me with talons for fingers and then—

Then I woke up, my fists beating Oliver's chest. I heard myself screaming for him, screaming for Aiden. My punches drew back and I felt my arms crack into limp noodles beside my waist. I was carried off to my bedchamber where Oliver forced me to lay down much to my screaming rants.

He left for the maids to clothe me in a clean nightgown and to press a warm damp cloth over my head. That's when I fell asleep into a black sleep of warnings and bewares. A voice sounded over my head…_her_ voice once more. "Beware the voyage of the hunt. Death shall come to those whom you love."

* * *

A/N: Can you guess what the dream means now? It shall be revealed soon enough... 


	20. The Full Womb and The Empty One

Sorry it's been so long! Life is crazy! Thanks to all my reviewers and readers. Enjoy!

* * *

I awoke the next morning in a state of confusion. What was it that had brought all of this on? Aiden had been dead a month now. James was no longer to be a beacon of hope. There was no reason…

I sat up in bed, glancing at the clock that was on my nightstand. It was seven in the morning. Everyone must have been waking for their were footsteps in the halls.

Except for Cutler, apparently, as he meandered into my bedroom fully clothed and looking exhausted as if he had never gone to bed. "I thought you would be up. Mr. Mercer heard from the maids that you were hysterical over something. That you fell onto the floor and began screaming Aiden's name." He crawled on the bed and lay beside me.

"I do not wish to go on this voyage. I have such a terrible feeling about it."

"You must go. God knows how long this is going to take and I could not be surrounded by men on a ship with one woman who is married…it would drive me insane. And besides, I need your company for it gives me great comfort."

I cracked a weak smile. I felt rather lightheaded and I wanted nothing to do with Cutler. "Then I shall go."

His smile was only that of being reassured and oddly it soothed me.

"Shall you be able to leave your bed today? Delilah is aching to see you and I'm afraid I'm not much comfort."

I nodded and feeling much like a blob of a pastry, I stood from my rustled sheets and began to dress. But my hair was only loosely curled and set about my head like a cloud. I wore no jewels or fine earrings. I was plain. Simple. And completely confused as to why I was even alive. Delilah found me and ran into my arms. I kissed her radiant little face and curly brown hair with all the love I could give her. She looked like her brother in so many ways and even her voice had that raspy sound with a husky hint of joy.

"What are we doing today, mummy?"

"Would you like to play princess in the gardens again?"

She scrunched up her face and shook her head. "Let's play pirates!" She squealed with delight as she took my hand.

"No, Delilah, we must never play that game."

She stopped and looked up at me with her innocent eyes. "But all the other children play it."

"But father doesn't like those games."

"And I don't like father."

I knew that was to come about but I had no want of hearing it so soon. Her father was cold to her, cynical, and not a very warming person when it came to loss. It seemed to only be with me that he was that way. And for that I adored him.

"Then I guess there is no other choice than to play pirates." I sighed happily.

She squeaked and we plunged forth into the sun streaked flowers that guarded us in our safely protected worlds where no real pirates existed.

* * *

The week passed and soon I was clutching my little girl tightly. All the days I had spent with her were not enough. I pleaded and begged with Cutler to allow me to stay but he would hear none of it.

"But why must you go, mummy?" Deliah was crying and holding fast to me. She bit a maid earlier when she was being forced from me. I scolded her but only half heartedly. She could bite all the people in the world if she wanted and I would not care. My poor little girl was to not have her mother for months. And what if…what if I never came back? What if I never saw her again?

I made myself focus on the task at hand. Cutler was growing impatient with Delilah and me as I cried with my darling. "Mummy will be back shortly. I promise." I held her out to her governess and letting my heart go with her.

I took one last look at her, her brown eyes covered in watery tears and her rosy cheeks heated now with the sun beating down on her. I held onto her small hand as long as I could until Cutler guided me towards the carriage and away from the only thing that kept me in tact.

Oliver was already on the ship when we arrived along with James and Isabella. They were touring the deck until Isabella spotted me and called out.

"Oliver." I moaned to him under my breath.

He nodded and led me away from them. I could care less if it hurt her feelings. She deserved to know what pain was like even if it was the tiniest amount. I sank into my lavish apartments, already used to them as they were modeled after my own rooms back home. Oliver straddled a chair and opened a bottle of wine for me to sip from.

"What are you going to do now?"

I took a swig and shut my eyes to let the burning sensation run down my throat to relax my insides. "There is nothing to do."

"Boredom." He grumbled.

"Absolute boredom." I grumbled back.

Dinner soon came and like the proud wife of a Lord I was presumed to be, I made my way into dinner and greeted those that had accompanied us on our journey. Isabella was absolutely radiant and the attention was on her as her smile defrosted the Comte and Duke. I could care less. The only thing that mattered was getting out of that room as soon as possible. I wanted to throw up as James neared me. My insides cringed for him to hold me yet I resisted and curtly nodded to him. He stood behind me as everyone talked and I could feel his heat emanating towards me. I moved from him and to my chair which was right next to Isabella and Cutler. Across from me were Oliver and James and the rest of the important men of the British navy. Dinner was completely serene until Isabella cleared her throat.

"James, is there an announcement you would like to make?" She smiled letting the room become the sun. I wanted to kill her as I sat beside her, seething with jealousy.

James seemed completely oblivious as to what it was his wife wanted. "Announcement?" He cocked his head to the side, playing dumb.

She nodded and looked down at her plate as her cheeks flushed.

"Oh yes, that." James stood and quieted the guests down so that they all were waiting for his important announcement. "Ladies and gentlemen, I have an announcement to make." He smiled wanly and cleared his throat. "My wife, Isabella, is with child."

Everyone began to clap and raised their glasses in the air. But the seconds slowed between me and James. My eyes trudged up to his and in them I saw happiness. It was not complete, but it was the most he could give himself I figured. And those emeralds were not on me. They were on his wife.

My glass was up in the air and its contents were down my throat in no time. I leaned over to Cutler and begged to be excused.

"Jealous, are we?" He snickered at me upon kissing my cheek.

I left the room in a perfect bow towards my apartments where my bed became my jail. I missed my little girl, my little love. I thought of her for about an hour until my eyelids grew heavy. My eyelids began to close, but the last thing I could see was Isabella in her pregnant form laughing at me and pointing her finger at my empty womb. Her voice became loud and clear. "Beware the voyage of the hunt!"

My eyelids dropped down like bricks and that was when sleep overcame me.


	21. Clarity and A Boulder of Remorse

Sorry for the delay. My life grew hectic all of a sudden. Thanks my precious reviewers and hop you enjoy this long chapter.

* * *

Sleep left as quickly as it came as was her constant nature in my life. My eyes popped open and my mind began to pound with all that had happened the night before. My head was spinning. She was pregnant.

Pregnant.

She was carrying his heir inside her womb! I had never been so enraged in my life. I threw back the covers and began to pace my apartments, crying out at odd moments in pain and in grumbles of dissatisfaction. What was left to torment me? I had done everything asked of me and yet all was taken from me. The love of my life, my son, and now my beauty. I looked in the mirror. All I could see was aging. I was growing old.

No…no I was only eighteen. I could not possibly be growing old. It was just my imagination. But then Isabella's perfect, exotic figure was prancing before my very own eyes. Her brown hair in all its luxurious fashion. Her sweet scent that I had yet to place.

I dressed in a rich, purple, muslin gown with diamonds. At least I had that. I had more money than she ever would. That was my only triumph over her.

Oliver came in at that moment and sighed with disbelief.

"Oliver, do you think me old?" I asked, taking his hands in mine.

He threw back his head and laughed until he was red. The maid giggled herself until I shot her a life threatening glance. Oliver received it as well and put his fits of laughter to a rest. "Do I think you old?" He kissed my hand like a loving brother would. "I find you far prettier today than I have ever found you."

"Why? Why today? Is it because I am realizing my age?"

"Brenna, you are eighteen. That, in itself, is youth. How could you be so insane as to think you are aging?" My eyes bore all to him and in seconds he understood. "Ah, I see. Well, you can be sure that neither I nor Cutler find you old as well as many other fair gentlemen aboard this ship." He leaned down to my ear so that the departing maid could not hear what he was saying. "_She_ may have been the center of attention, but your obliviousness made all eyes stick to you."

"Please, spare me your flattery."

He kissed my cheek and led me away from my sunny room onto the deck where the wind and sea meet us in one collision of wind. My hat blew off and I ran to the side of the deck to try and retrieve it. Yet it was gone from me forever as it became but a small speck on the horizon. I felt someone near me and to my utter dismay it was Mrs. Norrington.

"Are you ill, my lady?"

My eyebrows furrowed at the sea. I would not look at her. "What are you talking about?"

"You left dinner early that you missed a wonderful evening of cards and laughter."

"Yes, well laughter is but a brief enjoyment. Being away from propriety is more fulfilling."

She leaned in closer. "Then, you and I share that interest. For I too, do not wish to be in such a pressing state as to be on guard of my every comment to another young lady of court."

I was taken back by her statement but nevertheless I kept my ground. "Then you know what it is to loathe something."

"No. I could never truly hate anyone for any offense they have taken against me."

I turned to her and leaned up against the rail. "Then I envy you, Mrs. Norrington. For I have had more loathing than any woman has ever had to have. Consider yourself lucky."

"But it is you who are lucky." She paused and then let out a nervous laugh. "Your husband has eyes for you and only you. But when I look into my James's eyes I see…I see someone else. He is looking through me at someone else and I wish to know who she is."

I shook my head. "That is impossible. He was happier than I had ever seen him when he announced that you are carrying his child."

"Truly?" Her eyes became that of an innocent puppy.

"His expression was that of an incandescent glow. You would do well to increase his happiness."

"But how? I have done everything in my will but he still speaks to me with a distant air."

Just then Oliver called out to me and motioned to me. I excused myself and tapped gently over to Oliver, drawing the attention of the men that surrounded my husband. Cutler smirked and went back to explaining what it was he was babbling on about while my eyes furrowed. Oliver stifled a laugh as usual before leading me inside. "Your husband has asked to see you in his office and I am to escort you."

"If you must."

We entered my husband's office filled with odd accoutrements and papers of warrants, deeds, truces, trusts, and agreements. "He shall be with you in just a moment."

"Are you friends with my husband now?"

Oliver's eyebrow rose. "No, I just do what he asks."

"And you never object?"

"It is not my place."

We both smiled at each other before he left. I wandered about his office finding it to be duller than I had imagined. Everything was placed meticulously in its spot without a single piece of dust or lint.

Cutler came in then without one trace of a grin. "I have something for you."

I clasped my hands in front of me and waited for him as he shuffled about in his desk drawers. He located what he was looking for right on top of a stack of papers and held it out to me with slight reluctance. "From your Aunt."

"My Aunt?" I took hold of it and tore open the red wax seal. My eyebrows furrowed as I read the letter.

My head snapped up from its beautiful scribbles as a small tear fell.

"What is it?" His voice was strangled.

"My parents…"

I needn't say anymore. I reread the letter several times, my fists clenching into white balls but I was surprised to find no tears crossing my cheeks. I had none because inside I felt freedom. Something had unlocked in me at the point of reading such a letter. Cutler was watching me with a curious expression. "No tears?"

I turned up to him with a smile. "No. I hated my parents."

Shockingly enough he began to laugh as well, bringing me to have a fit of it. We both embraced each other and I knew then that he hated my parents as well. "I tolerated them to have you. If you did not exist, then I would have left them alone. Your mother was something of a cold hearted bitch when it came to affection."

I laughed as he put it so plainly. At that moment, when my laughs pierced the room, the door opened to reveal James. He looked at me as if he had heard me laughing for the first time. Then, like swift winged doves, his expression changed to that of hatred, misunderstanding and murder. His emerald's switched to Cutler and I saw in them jealousy. "We have located The Flying Dutchman, my lord."

I bowed my head as James neared so as not to see him pass by but my smile remained. It was stuck to me the rest of the evening as I recalled him calling my mother a bitch for she was in all her days the cruelest mother that any daughter could ask for. I hated her for what she had done to me. Forcing me into a loveless marriage, though it proved to me a serene one, and disconnecting me from true happiness. She deserved to die, to be murdered the way she was with my father.

Dinner was much more entertaining than I had expected and when Cutler came to me I did not object. I fell asleep happily as if in a dream. The mornings came and went and along with it my small stomach. I was pregnant again, much to Cutler's joy. James, on the other hand, was becoming more and more chaotic in his words and his glances. He snapped at Isabella, glared at me and my stomach until one day he pulled me aside.

"I must speak with you on a matter of urgency."

I obeyed him simply for the fact that I was afraid of what he might do to me if I objected. I was able to sneak away into a vacant room where he waited. The door clicked shut and I was alone with him for the first time in three months. It had truly been that long since I had spoken to him and I would admit only to myself that I missed him terribly. These moments proved to unravel my mellow behavior as I stared at him with a longing I had always had for him.

"What is it, Admiral?"

"Please!" He snapped, his face scrunching into anger. "Call me by the name that I wait to hear fall from your rosy-tinted lips." He gathered me in his arms and kissed me roughly. It was not tender but urgent. A much needed kiss for both of us. He thrust me away to the wall only to come back again for more.

"I hate that I need you so." He moaned as he lifted me up against the wall to let my legs embrace him.

"Why have you not come to me?" He asked while kissing my neck, finding the spot that made me seize everything to him.

"I want you to be so passionate with Isabella." We continued our kissing, leading up to the point were he began to slip my shoulder free of its gown and I was pulling down his jacket. But then I remembered that one small problem that would keep this from enjoyable…my pregnancy.

The sense knocked back into me and with much force I was able to straighten myself out. "James, we cannot do this."

"Because you are pregnant?"

"Yes, that, and because I am incapable of not feeling guilty for doing this. Cutler and I have a special bond and I do not wish to corrupt that with infidelity."

I had expected him to slap me or call me a whore for leading him on, but not to punch the wall so as to make his knuckles bleed. I steadied him and urged him to calm himself. He was panting by the time I was able to free him of his want to strangle something. "Tell me now. Do you or do you not love Cutler? I need to know or else my mind will never be at ease." He was breathing heavily as he spoke to me making me feel guilty for the stress I was causing him. "I do not love Isabella!" He yelled after I remained silent. "She is a good wife and a very affectionate one but she is foolish and temperamental. Yes, I have found these things to be attractive at times but there is only one person who holds my heart. And as of the moment she is stamping it beneath her foot!"

I placed my hand on his cheek and cracked a weak smile. "Oh my dearest James…I do not love Cutler. He is a fine friend and someone who understands my pain, but he is no lover."

A smile broke out on his face then and he leaned in to kiss me. I held up my finger to him, finding my thoughts as if they had been lost all along. "I did not say I love you, however." I gulped, waiting for him to speak, to talk me out of what I was saying. "I loved you, once. A part of me still loves you, but we cannot do this."

He shook his head. "No, no I will not take that as an answer. You love me. Why else would you have kissed me?"

"A lack of passion from my own husband. He seems to only please himself and never think about my wants."

James held up his hand in disgust. "You speak so openly about your relationship with him. It is most unnerving."

"He's my husband…and you my past lover."

"That's all I am then? A past lover of discontinued hopes?" He paused for a perfect affect in letting the words seep into my brain. "Or are you ignoring me to save me from something?"

"Why must you make me feel like the worst woman on this earth for what I am doing?" I cried out in a rage. "Can you not see that I am trying to forget you because there is no room for me? There never was! How could I, the daughter of a Baron and betrothed to a Lord, marry someone of the British Navy! It is most unbecoming to both of us! No…no we have done what was expected of us and in doing so we have filled our lives. If you care not for Isabella or your unborn child, that is your fault. Not mine. I, on the other hand, have a husband that I can tolerate and a beautiful daughter with another child on the way! And I do care for them, much unlike your selfish self." I took a breath. "No more of this, James. I cannot bear the weight of such guilt and love if you do not allow it to pass."

I made for the door but he stopped me. Gently, he lifted my chin to look into his eyes. "If that is how it must be, then so be it. I shall not allow this to pass so that every waking moment you feel guilt for not giving into me. I love you, Brenna. And I am incapable of ever letting you go."

He did not kiss me but rather left in haste. I waited for another ten minutes until it was clear for me to leave the small room. I had entered it with clarity and left with a boulder of remorse. I was pregnant, have swings of emotion, and completely in love with a man I was pushing away.


	22. Unfortunate Events

I couldn't breathe. The room was stifling, the room rocking with the sea. _God, help me._ I would need all of my strength to deal with this whole mess and already I was dealing with a massive headache and nausea. There was a pot and a few boxes off towards the side. Leaning down on all fours, I relieved myself of the food I had taken in that morning. I felt my skin go cold, sweat trickle down along my jaw bones and hairline. What had I gotten myself into? Kissing a man who wasn't my husband? And…oh god! I had slept with him too! Pounding in my ears, I felt my heart twitch convulsively. Leaning back to rest against the wall I found more comfort. Sliding my hand across my stomach I could feel the hardness of it, the still life form inside of me waiting for its chance to live. My children. They were waiting for me too and I might not survive this mission.

Beckett was growing more anxious—I could sense it. There was a small rumbling beneath his dark composure that was sure to blast out at any minute. If Cutler knew what had happened between James and I…

My life would end. I was sure of it. This needed to stop. I needed to find Isabella and make her into something else. She needed to occupy his time. Being forced between the choices of two males was enough. Besides, I was starting to enjoy Cutler. As ambitious as he was, that didn't mean he was uncaring. He provided for us, didn't he? And it wasn't as if I never felt any pleasure from this marriage.

I slammed my head against the wall and began to cry—if only for a moment. Isabella would need to know that her husband was fading from her into something that she would never reach by the time she figured out what it was. I wouldn't tell her, but I would tell her that _someone_ was out there…torturing his thoughts.

Standing up shakily, I was able to make it to the door. Just barely I made it down the hall until I found her door. Collapsing into the wooden frame, I knocked on the door.

When it swung open, Isabella's arms were the first thing to catch my fall. There was a pang in my stomach and warmth I hadn't felt before. It trickled down my leg, and Isabella cried out for help.

The weight of my body was no longer stressful on my bones as I was lifted in the air. I could feel wind flying about me and voices. There was a woman's voice right next to my ear and when I glanced up, Isabella was right beside me. Another pang below in my abdomen and I screamed one last fatal cry before giving out.

* * *

The chair in which I vacated was growing less and less comfortable as the hours dragged on. Three days. It had been three whole days.

Isabella sat before me making small talk, reading letters she had received from friends back home wishing her well and inquiring as to my health. I bit back a nervous laugh as she read this finding it completely awkward that no one but she and I knew—and everyone else on the ship—that I had lost the baby.

"More tea, my lady?" A voice called to me. Looking up, I saw Oliver's worried face—puzzled. It was unusual for him to be puzzled. I gave him a weary smile and declined.

"But you must have something! One scone and half a sip of tea does not cure you of you're ailment."

"My ailment," I whispered in the coarse voice that had settled in my throat, "is ageing. No food will cure that."

His lips parted as if he had something to say but shut them tightly. Isabella sat in silence, watching me with curious eyes. We were alone once more and I had decided. Now was the time. One miscarriage was not going to poison my objective. I was going to tell Isabella. She had to know everything.

While I screamed at the stillborn child that my maid wrapped in a blanket to toss out at sea, I knew that this was my punishment. God was punishing me indefinitely until I told her of my sins. Cutler would find out and I would surely be sent to a convent somewhere in the Indies where he wouldn't have to deal with me. I would never see my children again. I would never even be touched again. But at least I knew I had been wiped clean…for the most part.

"Isabella…" I whispered through my dry throat.

"My lady?" She asked, getting up to come closer.

"You need to know about you're husband and I."

She stopped still. Her shoulders went limp, her knees weak beneath her. Did she know already? How could she be this kind to me after I had done such a thing to her? Maybe she had poisoned that scone…

"I…" she knelt down so she could speak to me quietly, "I know about you and James. I know he loved you. But when he married me…you don't need to worry. He doesn't love the way he once did. You must be scared sick that he might have some feelings left for you. My lady, I see the way you look at your husband…and the way you look at mine. They are two separate beings—like ice and fire." Her soft British voice was sweet to my ears but she just didn't understand.

Nevertheless, I was intrigued. "How so?"

She scooted closer to me, her belly just brushing my elbow. I stifled the rage and jealousy realizing all too well how this was my fault. I brought this upon myself. "The way you look at Lord Beckett is like staring at a shiny new necklace. You study him with such a fascination and annoyance that you cannot figure him out. He is a new toy to you. He is the excitement of new love and found hope. When you see James, you view him with pity and aggravation. To why this is, I can only guess. I believe it is because you cannot understand why he didn't want you…why he chose his career over you."

"Is that honestly what you think?" I rose then, my strength quickly returning from no where. "Do think I am as pitiful as that?"

"My lady?" She rose too, her emotions flickering between fear and confusion.

"He didn't choose anything over me! It was that shiny new _toy_ that I was destined to. I was betrothed to him at the age of seven—seven! And not once was I ever given the chance to love until he came along and swept me off my feet and then I was forced to marry Cutler against my own will and…he was gone. I waited day after day for him to appear and take me but that never happened, Isabella!" I paused to catch my breath not daring to look at her face. Instead, I kept my eyes on the ground as I spoke. "I came to Port Royal hoping that there would still be a chance. And then you….you with your sweetness, kindness, and giddy hopes of climbing the social ladder intruded. But I couldn't hate you, Mrs. Norrington! Because he loves you and I must love what he loves."

I could sense a fury in her voice as she moved to speak. "You're the female. You're the one he slept with."

"Yes."

"Why?"

I could just hear the strained anger mixed in with tears. They dropped like bombs on the floor below us. "Because I hate my life."

Before she could even speak or blink, there was a yelling at the end of the hall. Isabella, I could hear, started to run and scream out someone's name. It took me a moment to register the voice having not heard it in a while but I felt a strain in my muscles as I began to move swiftly after her. James. James was the one who had yelled.

Soldiers cautiously stepped out of the way for us as we ran towards Lord Beckett's office. The doors were already open and the sun was just shining brightly enough for us to see what had happened only moments ago.

There, on the ground, lay a blood-soaked James, a sword stuck out of his chest.

He was shaking as he tried to cover the blood. Isabella, falling beside him in the bloodstained Persian rug was shaking as well while she took hold of James' head into her lap. Stroking his cheek, tears down her cheeks, she spoke to him with more reverence than I had. "I forgive you. Please, stay."

"I never…meant…to….please…don't hate…her." James' words were short, hard to hear. But she heard them, I knew. Her eyes found my crestfallen face and then swung on Beckett. James was lifeless in her arms, eyes stuck on mine, lips formed into the last of the three words he had whispered while Isabella wasn't looking.

"You!" Isabella cried towards Cutler. "This…everything is your fault! Had you just let her be….this would have never happened…" She was staring at me again, her face wet with emotion.

* * *

A/N: It's been a long time, eh? But I thought, what the hell? I'll update and wrap this up so no one is left hanging. The story is almost over and then Brenna and her story will be finished. Tear....


	23. Things Change

Thank you for your kind reviews. I apologize for the long delay. Life has grown increasingly busy and...well...senioritus is not fun.

* * *

I couldn't bring my eyes towards the doorway. I knew she stood there—waiting. She was watching me, heatedly, with a confused and distorted gaze. I could feel it on my neck, my skin…everywhere. What I had done was everywhere.

New footsteps echoed down the hall, pounding in a purposeful manner. My vision blurred by unwanted tears. I knew who this was. Isabella's dress fluttered in the bow she gave Cutler and dismissed herself with one quick glance my way. I knew she was struggling between fury and understanding. But having a lover and husband die after they just found out that he was a cheater was probably worse than I could ever imagine. I complained about my horrible life when I had people that loved me. He must feel as if no one loves her.

"I don't know where to start."

My head sank even further down and my skin recoiled back into itself. I wouldn't know where to begin with the punishment either.

"But I can tell you where it will end—with my mother and my family in your father's estate. Alone. No males around you. No Oliver. No one. The children will stay in my care as you cannot even handle yourself."

"Please, Cutler! Not my children!" I cried out at last not willing to bare the thought.

"Oh yes, the children! They cannot be around someone who has fatally tainted by horrish tendencies."

"I did those things before I realized how I felt."

"Felt about what?"

"About you!"

He snorted in a chuckle that bounced off the walls and gripped everything with menace. "You are a conniving liar. You are quite cleaver in how you go about your business, but not this time. I've know all about your hatred for me, about all the days you spent in a state of purgatory because I gave you a life of riches and ease. Would you have wanted to be cared for any less? No! I know you better than you realize, strumpet."

"Then you know that I am more than willing to accept my punishment but I will not leave my children to the care of a nanny for ten years."

Cutler slammed his cane against the hard wood floor creating a small dent. "I do not have time for this. I am not arguing with you. Gather your things. Leave me at—"

The boat rocked suddenly, heaving us onto the ground together, Cutler landing just on top of me. The motion stopped for a moment, Cutler panting, searching my teary eyes.

"I'm sorry." I whispered feeling my sanity loose grip. "Please don't send me away."

"Give me one good reason."

"Because I am the mother of your children." I paused. "And because I love you."

Cutler's mouth dropped slightly until snapping back into place. The boat heaved again, throwing us at opposite ends of the room. He was able to stand and leave before another tremor hit. A soldier came in immediately muttering something about pirates. Cutler was all business at once out in the hall, telling the man to take me immediately to another ship headed for Port Royal.

Relief swelled my heart and when I passed the hall, Cutler watched me with a slight smirk. "Hold on there, Mr. Briggs."

"Sir?" The soldier holding my arm gently paused with bewilderment.

Cutler placed himself in front of me and took hold of my neck. His lips found mine and for a slight moment I felt weightless. "As much as I hate to admit it, I've always thought you were my entire life. Go home and make sure the children are taken care of."

I couldn't speak as he turned around to leave with a slight swagger in his step. My heart fluttered as we moved on until I reached the top of the stairs leading towards the top deck.

Isabella was the first thing I saw and appeared to be speaking in hushed tones with Oliver who held her hand in comfort. She was crying, nodding her head in understanding with something he was mumbling under his breath. They both turned their heads as they saw me, the soldier dragging me by an arm off towards another ship. And they both appeared to pity me. Turning my backs on them, I slowly trekked across a connecting plank towards another ship. Once on board, I took a long, hard, glaze at the hundreds of ships behind us. White masses decked the horizon like billowing clouds of rough cloth. Miss. Swann was in for it big time…if she was still alive.

My head suddenly hurt, my legs cramping. A few gentlemen dressed in filigree and red coats stared at me in awe as I walked past. They were probably trying to figure out why I seemed sallow, cheeks wet and pale, and hair a sudden mess. Another tremor knocked us off balance for a moment until I could feel the ship turning round.

"Brenna!" A voice called from behind me.

Narrowing my eyes over my shoulder, I saw Isabella and Oliver approaching me in a hurry. I didn't say anything as they followed me towards the Captain's office where he politely exited in a hurry towards the deck. I could feel we were in a different direction than before and it felt as if a magnet was pulling us towards Port Royal. A direct passage back to the life I had come to love.

"What did Beckett say?" Oliver asked excitedly. I noticed his hand was still holding Isabella's. Turning sharply around so they wouldn't see my expression of shock and hurt, I told them the truth. "He was going to punish me. But—he decided against it."

"Why?" Isabella asked. "I mean, you don't really deserve punishment…it's just that I thought he was a crueler man than that."

Smiling in spite of my self, I placed my hands on my hips with all the jealousy and hurt suddenly gone. "Things change. People change. He's not cruel, just realistic. Ambitious. And he takes care of us. He didn't punish me because I admitted the affection that I have felt for a while now."

They stood speechless. Then, Isabella broke out in a shining smile. "I knew you didn't love James anymore! I forgive you, Lady Beckett!" She was hugging me in a moment's notice and all I could do was pat her back gently.

"You get to see Aiden and Delilah once again." She whispered, small tears gallantly parading down her cheeks.

I smiled, my eyes forming into dewy puddles themselves. "And you shall have a child."

She paused, touching her swollen stomach once before taking my hand. I could feel the baby instantly, kicking at my slightest touch. A tear fell from my eye as I blinked them away. "What will you name it?"

"If it is a girl I was wondering, with your permission, to name her Brenna. If it was a boy, then it would be James…of course."

I couldn't help but smile at this. "I would love it very much if you named it after me. Thank you."


	24. Until The End of Days

It seemed as if the whole island was in an uproar for our arrival. Our greeting was practically a festival. Isabella was swarmed slightly by the crowd, some of her social climbing friends kissing her cheeks and welcoming her home. They inquired about James, and the crowd stilled. She glanced up to where I was coming down the plank, Oliver right behind me, before answering. She whispered something, her shoulders slumping somewhat. They enveloped her in warm embraces, something I hadn't given her yet and immediately felt guilty. She was the one with a dead husband and all I could think about were my children.

The rest of the crowd, the one that wasn't spreading the word about James, greeted me just as warmly. But I wasn't looking for them.

Instead, a carriage rode up and out stepped a plump nanny with rosy cheeks and a bonnet to keep her graying hair from showing. I recognized at once it was Fanny. She took a little hand in hers and out stepped a little girl, her tiny panniers swaying against the wind while her curled hair lay breathtakingly behind her, curling in an ordinary and enchanting fashion. Her eyes were shining brightly and so were the boys.

The two little ones turned to me as I slowly put one foot in front of the other. Would they know me? Do they remember who their mother is?

I wasn't sure if he was behind me or not, but I called out to him anyway. "Oliver?"

"Have no fear. She will know who her mother is—natural instinct."

It took only a moment for me to find out for she ran towards me, arms open, smiles splattered across her face. I knelt down just as she slammed into my arms without delay. I couldn't help but cry at her tight embraces, little fingers grasping my clothes with impatience. I gathered her up and headed for the carriage. We were going home….finally. Only one person was missing.

"Where's papa?" Delilah questioned in a small voice echoing that of a British lady. I smirked making a mental note to thank Fanny.

"He'll be home soon. Papa's just taking care of business."

"I want to show him the garden I planted." Delilah mumbled in irritation

I chuckled as our carriage snapped forward towards home. I had forgotten how hot the island was and just how beautiful it became in summer. Snakes restlessly hung from trees as fruit plumped itself up around branches. Modest houses lined the way up the steep road towards our home up in the largest part of the hills.

The day was a whole new wave of excitement for me. Oliver was glad to finally sit down and not have to stand for some new problem that arose. Delilah brought her toys into the drawing room whilst Oliver and I sipped on tea. It was everything that a perfect day could be—with the exception of my missing husband. I held a warm notion that he would be home soon and that with his return would bring a happy ending to my life. I could grow old, watch my children transform, and forget the misdeeds of my past.

* * *

"Don't be ridiculous, Oliver!" I growled as I pruned the weeds back from Aiden's grave. I had insisted on doing this myself as it was the only way I could groom my son. "She's just lost a husband and must mourn for another eleven months. And telling her that you love her the day after her husband's funeral is plain immoral."

Oliver let out a whining sigh. "You should have seen how she responded! She couldn't have smiled any wider."

"Doesn't matter. She has a babe on the way and you want to go around with the notion that Isabella will give you one ounce of hope for marriage."

"But she's already agreed to it."

I stopped dead from my early morning routine. The flower went limp in my hands. "Both of you can be ashamed then." I huffed and walked off towards Delilah's slight figure by the rose bushes. "Delilah! Don't touch those, darling!"

"You've got to give me you're blessing. We've already agreed to marry in two years from now when she's all settled. I promise I won't make it obvious that we have plans until after a year—when the mourning period is over."

"It doesn't matter to me what you do. You're a man—bring scandal upon yourself. But leave me out of it."

He grinned the most dashing smile I had ever seen. "Of course."

There were footsteps beside us and we turned to see who was bothering our private conversation. Two men in navy uniform approached with masks of no emotion. My heart thudded to a stop.

"Lady Beckett." They greeted me with a pitying look.

A small hand wove itself in mine before I answered. "Yes?"

"We are sorry to inform you but…"

The other one finished. "You're husband was killed during battle." The man produced a parcel of papers and a letter. "He asked us to give you these if anything were to happen."

I swallowed, taking the things with my free hand. "Thank you." I managed to choke out.

"Good day, my lady." The whispered together before leaving. Their stay was only two minutes long and yet they had brought me a lifetime of loneliness.

I dropped the parcel onto the grass as Cutler's remaining lineage held me tight, the small hand grasping tighter onto mine.

* * *

"Mother! I look fine!" Delilah sighed angrily as she surveyed herself in the long mirror. She looked so haunting in her wedding gown. The new fashion of Paris hadn't helped when she chose what she wanted. English tailors just wouldn't do for her wedding day and she insisted on getting the gown she wanted. Delilah wasn't spoiled, just ambitious like her father.

Isabella glanced to me and nodded in approval. Oliver was helping James to get ready for his big day and I was sure that he would look more handsome than any male in England.

"I just want to make sure, Lila…"

"Mum…it's perfect." Her contentment rang in my ears and I could relax. "Do you think James will like it?"

Isabella chuckled to herself. "Yes, my son will love anything you prance down the aisle in. He just wants this whole wedding ordeal over with."

"I don't know why he complains about it. It's not as if I made him plan the whole thing. All I did was ask that he not back out."

"He could never back out on you." We mumbled.

"Good. Alright, I think I'm ready. Mum, will you carry my train?"

"Certainly."

With one last glance at herself, Delilah lead the way down the hall, her footsteps impatient. I imagined that if her father were still alive, he would have been so proud to see her giddily make her way towards the chapel. Cutler would have been glad to see how well she transformed into a woman of talent. I prayed that he saw her now, wherever he was, and be happy in the knowledge that I did everything I could for her. Aiden, too, would have smirked the entire time and prod his sister along with excitement.

All of this was imagination, however. And the ones who stood by my side were the remnants of Cutler's family and James'. Isabella and I headed for the carriages to take us to our children's wedding and as we glanced out over the gardens' that Delilah had planted, we felt a relief sweep us up. As if everything in the world had led us to this. As if every force of nature had pushed us to bring Delilah and James together. Their love was unlike our marriages. It was something that couldn't be shaken.

Love was unyielding. Love lay deep within the heart and no matter what side it was on, dark or light, it was still there. Beating until the end of days…

THE END.

* * *

A/N: The end....I never thought it would come but it has. Happy reading and maybe....just maybe...I'll cook something else up. Thanks to all.


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